Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Alone again . . . naturally (As the song goes)

I guess the reality of my situation is hitting me full force . . .

I came home from work yesterday and Avery was upstairs watching tv, as soon as I came home he went down stairs. Ok . . . what ever . . . he is not the most social of people.

Tony was at work . . . (Yippee! he got a job) and he didn't come home till 5, and then he and Avery went to dinner at Grandma and Grandpa's right away. (Tony goes today for his physical for the Marines. Is it bad that I would like him NOT to pass the physical? *big sigh*)
Alex isn't around much. I guess that is typical for him. (Tomorrow he turns 21, I can't believe he will be 21!!! How did he get that old?)



Tim is in New Mexico . . . (Did I mention how much I hate him being in New Mexico?)

So I was home . . . alone again . . . Me and the 5 dogs and 2 birds . . .



I find that as long as I keep myself REALLY busy, I don't cry too much. (Sorry Tim, I know you hate it when I say how sad I am . . . ) So I have been trying to stay really really busy. So I don't have the opportunity to realize I'm sad or alone. Busy is good.


I put a movie to run on my computer and sit and make greeting cards for the store. In the last two days I've made over 60. So yesterday I decided to watch "Gone with the Wind" That's a really long assed movie, but it gave me something to do . . . and it was interesting to watch while I made cards. I like Scarlet . . . she's a bitch, but she gets things done. Nothing was going to keep her from moving though her life, nothing was going to keep her from surviving. I like that about her . . . and DANG, what a beautiful woman, I always wanted to have dark hair and blue eyes like she does . . .


At one point in the evening I got up to go down stairs and the house was so quite . . . the boys were all gone, the tv down stairs was off . . . most of the lights were off . . . and it was just me . . . me wandering around this big house by myself. I guess I never thought of this house as "That big" till I'm alone, and wandering around it by myself in the dark.
So back up to my office I go, back to my card making and Scarlet O'hara . . . but even with keeping myself busy . . . I feel the emptiness of the house, I long for the noise, and the chaos.

I'm keeping busy and moving through the days . . . I'm working on being ok with the "Alone-ness", and I WILL master this, me and Scarlet O'hara . . . we are both strong women!

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