Tuesday, April 10, 2012

It's been a year

I'm not expecting anyone to read this post, I'm writing it for myself . . . Just so I can get it off my chest and process it.

A year ago, I was betrayed. By the one person I never thought could or would do it.

I've popped in to her work from time to time to "see" her, and most of the time it hurts me so badly it takes days for me to recover from it.

I saw her last week, and still haven't recovered. But then maybe that's because the anniversary of her betrayal is right now.

I want her to sincerely say she's sorry. I want her to tell me how much she has missed me, I want her to make up for what she did to me. But she fills the world with useless words and bullshit. I want substance, I don't want superficial crap. I want her to say, her life is not the same without me in it. That she has missed me so much. That she was stupid and dumb. That if I allowed her back in to my life she would cherish my love and friendship like she had the previous 38 years and would never do anything to risk loosing me again. But instead, she tells me about her cat, (That's fine, I told her about mine) And she says things to me like you would a stranger . . . not someone who was raised with you like a sister.

I guess I don't understand, if she was the one to do wrong, then why am I the one to hurt over this. It doesn't seem fair. It just doesn't.

I miss the girl I knew, the one who was my friend, the one who would have done anything for me, the one that I thought I would have forever and always.