Thursday, January 21, 2010

Another day

It's another day for me in Cheriland . . . it's happy for the most part.

I have been missing my sweet Thomas so much the last few days . . . more so than the past month.

I sometimes don't know why it hits me at the oddest times . . . where I think, I will never talk to him again, or hear him call me "momz"

I know that he wouldn't want me to be sad or bitter, that his Bio parents didn't really "let me know" he was passing, or had passed. I found out, from Louise . . . and she was super kind to tell me. So in my "not bitterness" I wrote a letter to his mom and dad yesterday . . . knowing that that is what Thomas would have wanted me to do. I'm not accountable for their actions, but I do need to be accountable for mine . . . And I need to remember that I'm not the kind of person to hurt someone who is already hurting. So here is my letter to Thomas' mom and dad.

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Dear Cynthia, Tim and Caitlin~

Thank you so much for your wonderful little thank you card. Thomas was so much a part of my life, and I was honored to know him and be a part of his life. Thank you for living across the street from me!

As so many people loved Thomas here in Colorado, I held a small memorial service for him here in my home. So many “kids” (I guess they aren’t kids any more, but young adults) came and honored Thomas with great memories. I think they really needed to have the closure of the service. It was beautiful. My house was all decorated for Christmas, and so we had candle light, and only the lights of the 10 Christmas trees I had up I the house, it was very small and intimate. We had close to 50 people here. The Mormon church was so wonderful, the provided us with Chairs and cookies! (They are wonderful about cookies!!) We did a balloon Release, with messages written on the balloons for Thomas. Even though it was like 10 degrees everyone went outside and released the balloons. It was pretty wild when the balloons floated right over your old house!

I loved Thomas so much and still ache for my phone calls from him . . . I don’t know if I will ever be able to stop missing him. I have 2 messages from him saved on my house phone, and when I heard them the first time after he passed, I started to cry. It was like he was talking to me from the grave.

I/we would be honored to be there for the scattering of Thomas’ ashes . . . please keep us informed of when you will be doing it.

Thank you for allowing me to be a part of Thomas’ life.


So I'm extending the olive branch . . . Hope they see it for what it is.

Since Thomas his passed . . . I have felt the need to really simplify my life . . . I have gotten rid of a lot of people who were not helping me to be the kind of person I wanted/needed to be. I had a lot of "Friends" who were more of a hinderance in my life, than a good thing. So I Deleted them. People who should have been here for Thomas' memorial service but "Couldn't be bothered" to come over, people who promised one thing and did another, people who didn't care . . . they are all gone now. I deleted about 30 people from my phone, my computer and my life . . . and it feels as though I have a weight lifted off my shoulder. Why is it I was always there for them, but when I was in need they were not there for me ? I didn't understand, but now I do . . . A true friend would have been here for me, shown their support even if they could not physically be here with me.

For the most part the "Deleting" of the "Dead weight" from my life has gone well . . . although there have been a few people who balked at it . . . And come at me with Angry words and saying horrible things to me and about me. So my words to them are, "If I'm such a horrible person, why would you want to have me in your life?"

Since my sweet Thomas' death . . . I feel the need to keep things simple . . . keep the good people, weed out the bad . . . Keep people who want me to be better than I am . . . Rather than to drag me down with them.

With a big heart, I am happy to love . . . I am happy to hold my self to a higher standard.

I miss Thomas . . . I just wanted to say that one more time . . . he's my angel on my shoulder telling me to make my life as good as I can. And then I have my wonderful BFF Gennae (aka Jiminy Cricket) telling me "Delete Delete Delete" I am listening to both of them. :)

Thursday, January 14, 2010

OFFICE Facelift

My office used to be my guest room, and I painted the wall purple because its my BFF Lorinda's favorite color, and I had a floral bed spread on the bed and the purple went fine. But I'm not a purple person . . . I love the warm colors, the reds oranges yellows. I'm not too fond of the Blues greens and purples, they feel very cool to me. The purple it was/is , is a pretty purple color, but just not me. My office will be getting a beautiful face lift, and I'm going to be able to "Simplify" in here.

(I don't know why that is blue and underlined . . . And I don't' know how to make it go away. Oh well)

I'm so excited! To have a red wall in here. I'm so excited to declutter and "simplify" I'm thinking that having my room more organized will help me to be more productive with my scrapbooking and what not (maybe even bill paying~ UGH!)

I will post pictures after it's all done . . . But this is the colors as of RIGHT NOW.

Maybe if I've been a good girl (highly doubtful~ you know me.) maybe Tim (I love you sweetie) will paint it today while I'm at work. I know he hates how I paint . . . but I would love to come home and see it all done!

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Cheri 1~ Clutter 0

Every year I come up with a word that I'm going to work on for the year . . . this year is "Simplify" I love this word . . . it can mean so much. I have been working on "simplifying" my relationships. Which means, in the immortal words of my BFF Gennae, "Delete, Delete, Delete" After my sweet Thomas passed away, I realized that I was there for a lot of people, for a lot of reasons, and that when I was down and out they were not there for me . . . So I deleted them. They were "Vampires" of my love, and generosity . . . they took and took and took and gave nothing back . . . but this is a post for another day.

But in my quest to "simplify" I am working on Decluttering, the stuff that isn't simple . . . So here I go.

I decided to work on my medicine cupboard. Tim says it's one of the scariest places in the house. So I decided to go through and see if I could "declutter" It is amazing how much I got to throw away, stuff that was expired and out of date. Don't tell Tim, but I actually found meds in there from 1996. Very scary stuff.

This is a picture of half of what I threw away . . . I filled up another trash bag too. UGH! After tossing a lot of stuff, I only have this to go back in the totes.
This is what the totes look like with the labels on them. I cut the labels out with my Cricut, and I think it will help us to stay "decluttered" If everything goes back where it's supposed to, then we shouldn't have any problems.

This is my Pots and pans cupboard . . . it's my NEXT project. Can you say "EEEEEeeeeewwww!"?

I think this year should be great if I can declutter and organize, and stay on track . . . simplify! Will you join me? Can you declutter and simplify too?

Friday, January 8, 2010

Super fast update

I haven't blogged in a while . . . so much has happened.

My sweet Thomas passed away November 24, 2009. And my heart is broken over that. I don't know that my life will ever be the same with out him. I miss him terribly.

We delayed Christmas so that Jessie, My wonderful Niece could be here. And it's wonderful having her here. I don't want her to go back to Iowa . . .

Tony is doing great at work.

Alex moved home for the time being! And I love having him here.

Avery is still in Asshole mode . . . and living with my mom and dad currently. They keep telling me they would like to have Alex back and I can have Avery. Avery is a difficult child. Alex is super easy.

Tim is working for Qwest again, but Today is supposed to be his last day, again . . . I wish they would make up their minds. Poor Tim hates to be out of work. But there is work for them to do, so he should be employed again very shortly. And hopefully with a full time position with the company, not as a contractor.

Mom and pop and Aunty are all doing well.

And me . . . I'm doing pretty good. I love having everyone here. At home, where they belong. Business is kind of slow . . . so that bothers me. The house is still full of Christmas, in various stages of being taken down and put away. . . .. My life is chaos, as usual. But my heart is filled with joy and love.

I'm going to work at posting to my blog at least once a week. And I'm going to try to make sure I do 20 scrapbook pages a month. Hopefully more.

I want to loose some weight, and I think if I cut out booze from my diet, I will probably loose the weight easily . . . without much effort on my part. (We'll see how that goes . . . I like an evening cocktail)

And I would like to get my life organized better. My office, and my closet . . . and my life. I like to know where things are, but sometimes that's easier said that done in my world. Since I'm kind of one of those "fly by the seat of my pants kind of girls" and not the most linear thinkers. . . So I'm kind of scatter all over . . . and get distracted easily by sparkly things.

Well that's enough of a super fast update. I will post more soon! Promise!