I would like to introduce you to the newest member of my family

I have been pondering a cat for a while now. And fighting with my self over another pet, and one that uses a litter box which needs to be cleaned. BLEK! But my heart kept telling me that I needed a cat, or maybe that a cat needed me. (who knows?) I was at target yesterday morning, and for some reason I wanted to go over to Petco and see if they had any "kittens" (I thought I wanted a young kitten, or a early adolecent kitten) They get them from different shelters and adopt them out for the shelters. But my head was like, "stupid! you don't need a kitten!! Go home!"

So home I went. Then Alex and Darryl and I were sitting around and one of the dogs did something retarded. And Darryl says, "That's why I like cats." So off to Petco I went. They used to have the adoptees in one part of the store and they weren't there. And So I was getting ready to leave, and There they were. Three cages! 2 cats, one said he wasn't up for adoption, and I wasn't interested in a boy cat any way . . . I knew I wanted a girl. And in the other cage was "Stella" I sat on the floor and talked with her through the cage, and asked the clerk about her. And Then I left! I still "thought" I needed a kitten. So I went to Petsmart, because they do adoptions also. I get in there and the whole adoption area is demolished, I guess they are expanding it or something. No cats there.

So back to petco I go, and I walk up to "Stella" again, and asked her if she wanted to go home with me, (I have a little "Doctor Dolittle" in me) She jumped down from where she was laying, and rubbed on my fingers I had poking through the cage . . . (I guess that meant yes!!) So I ran through the store buying all the things I need for her. Filled out the adoption papers and "Stella" and I left . . . got home with my now UNnamed cat. And it was just me and darryl home and he was so excited he could hardly stand himself.

Tempee doesn't care about the dogs . . . they don't bother her at all . . . (And Jade was even here yesterday when we brought her home) No issues at all.

She is not sure what to think of the boys . . . But she loves me already. And I love her.

Happy birthday tooooooo- ME (And Lee)!!

Ok so the pics are out of the order I wanted them in . . . but oh well . . . somethings just don't go the way this red head wants them to.

I celebrated my 45th birthday November 3, 2011. It is also the birthday of one of my MOST favorite people on the planet! Lee Karr!

Lee and I met a gazillioin year ago back in 1993. She became my Writing mentor. *By the time she retired from writing, she had published 49 books!! She is amazing.

So since Lee and I share a birthday I thought we should celebrate it together.

About 3 years ago my friend Jaqui gave me a tiara for my birthday! I have wore it every year since (Pretty much all day!) so I gave a tiara to Lee, so she could be queen for the day also!

We went to Red Lobster by her house, so they wouldn't have to travel very far.

This picture is Top row- Michael (Lee's wonderful hubby) and My Mimi
Bottom Row- Tiara Girls - Lee Karr 86 years yound and ME~

When Lee and I were at Writers conferences we would always drink "Sex on the Beach" So we had to have one for our birthdays! She said when I ordered the drinks, "I was wondering if you had reformed!?" "Never!" I said!

I think that this was the best birthday I've ever had. I was surrounded by wonderful people and I felt so loved and adored. I got to spend my birthday with such lovely people and created memories that I will cherish for a life time.

It isn't the money you spend that makes a birthday wonderful, it's the love thats showed, the expressions of pure joy . . . I had so much love and birthday wishes that my heart was over flowing! And Alex (oldest son) even gave me a kiss on the cheek! (Total shocker!)

This was my BEST DAY!

Turn the Radio up!

My friend Michelle is here training a dog for a wounded warrior. She is with the TADSAW program, and we went on the radio again, to talk all about it. She is head trainer, and I am warrior advocate. This show was pretaped, and will air November 14, 2011, at 3 PM Mountain time.

You can find it on your computer at www.milehiradio.com then go to the Unsung heroes show, and you will find us. That is where you can also find my archived show I did last time I was on- about TADSAW, Make a wish, Locks of love, and of course MY Thomas.

Update on the radio show

I thought I would post a little update about the show.

IT TURNED OUT GREAT!!

I didn't cry . . . I guess all the extra help I got "from above" and all the emotional hand holding, good throughts and prayers helped. No tears from me! Although several people told me that I had them in tears.

Here is s link to the show incase you are inclined to listen to it.
*silly side note- in the empty chair in the room where the blue microphone is, is Thomas' scrapbook album. I brought it for "Santa" to see, and then just figured Thomas should be a part of the show. So I gave him his own chair.



http://milehiradio.com/shows.cfm?id=44B38F9C-D9B6-FEBA-5EDB6A806F88ECC7

Why didn't I just do it?

Have you ever had one of those moments where you feel compelled to do something and then think you are being silly and disregard it? I had one of those days yesterday (Sunday)

I have a pretty big week this week. Well, kind of. I have a pretty big Monday and Tuesday, and the rest of the week depends on how Tuesday goes.

Today (Monday) I am going to be on the radio, on a show called "Unsung Heroes", and tomorrow I get a tooth removed that abscessed last Wednesday and I have been on antibiotics since then for. The rest of the week is still up in the air, who knows how bad the tooth extraction will be.

So back to the point- (I get lost in tangents all the time)

Since this is a big couple days for me, I figured that going to church would be a good thing yesterday morning. I truly do love my church . . . I'm not as active or regular as I would like to be, but I also know that everything comes in time and when the time is right I will do more.

One of the things I really love about my Church is at some point during the service, they bring out "Pray partners" to pray with anyone who thinks they just need a little more. While these people are praying all over the sanctuary, the rest of us are singing, and me, well, I'm singing distractedly . . . as I'm watching the humble people go out to the pray partners and as for help. (I hate to ask for help- I know, it's a personal flaw). Every time I see this happening in the church, these people, heads bent together and prayers being said, I get all choked up and emotional. Its truly beautiful.

I've been pretty laid up with this tooth infection for the last few days . . . and yesterday I was finally feeling as though I was well enough to take on church . . . I got there feeling fine. I got there a little early, and wandered a bit. I walked by the prayer room and wanted to go in . . . but then thought, "how silly are you Cheri, you don't need to go in the prayer room". So I went to the bathroom instead. After my potty break where I didn't really need to piddled, I Went in to the sanctuary and took my seat, I like to sit on the raised seats, by the sound booth, because I love to watch how emotional and impassioned the sound booth guy gets when we are singing. (Yes I get distracted a lot.) I start reading the program, and I'm feeling fine. The service starts and we start to sing, and all of a sudden I'm swaying on my feet . . . I feel like I'm going to faint. I widen my stance, maybe I had my knees locked. My head is spinning. What's going on with me? I leave my seat and go out and get a bottle of water, glance at the prayer room as I walk by, it's still those same people sitting in there, they must be the ones who pray with you or talk to you or help you. How nice for the people who go in there. I'm feeling better. Water bottle in hand, I go back to my seat. They are still standing and singing. So I drink some water and start singing. And I'm back to feeling woozie again, head can't focus, and I feel dizzy, like I'm going to pass out. I have sweat dripping off of me. What's going on?? I sit down and finish singing, I think it would be horrible to faint in the sanctuary during the songs or prayer.

They brought out the prayer partners and I watched the people go to them . . . I love that part of church! Typically brings tears to my eyes . . . This time, I'm crying . . . Why am I crying . . . Get it together Cheri! What's wrong with you?!

Just as they are about to bring out pastor, I grab my book bag and I am going to leave, I am too dizzy to stay, I will go sit in my car for a while.

I didn't make it to the car, some how I ended up the opposite direction of the parking lot, back to the prayer room. I don't remember walking there. I truly don't. All of a sudden I was just there. I stood in the door way for a second and the two people in the room welcomed me in. I didn't even make it to the sofa, before I was sobbing. Good Lord, I hate crying! Sobbing is even worse! And I'm doing it in front of strangers! What's wrong with me!!!!

Some how through the sobs I tell them my name, and that I'm going to be on the radio (today) on "Unsung heroes" and I don't feel like a hero, and I don't want to go on the radio and cry. I don't want to disappoint anyone. . . I don't want to let anyone down, and I especially don't want to let Thomas down.

they talk with me for a while, then they sat on both sides of me on the sofa, and held my hands and prayed for me- with me. I just felt like a quivering mess . . . like my insides were shaking. They allowed me to stay in there longer, and just talk . . . They were very sweet. The longer I sat in there the better I felt. The tears dried up, and I felt a bit stronger.

So, why didn't I just go in there when I first got there? Why did I have to be pretty much dragged kicking and screaming in to the prayer room? (And don't even get me started on "Who" was dragging me in there) Everything in me was telling me to go, and I didn't listen . . . My morning would have been so much easier if I had just listened to what was going on with in me in the first place.

I guess thats part of this spiritual journey . . . learning to listen. To know that spirit isn't going to lead me wrong.

I'm still here!!!

I'm still here . . .I am not gone . . . I'm not going anywhere . . .

My feelings are hurt . . . you broke my heart . . . you betrayed my trust . . .

How stupid am I?? I miss you. I would still forgive you, if you could "own it", own what you did, with out excuses . . . and don't tell me that it wasn't excuses . . .

Did you choose to drink?

Did you choose to do what you did?

Did you choose to hurt me, knowing how I felt?

You did! I did NOT knock you down and make you drink . . . I did not force you to do what you did. all of that you did on your own, yet I would still forgive you . . . but you would have to truly own it.

Can you actually accept responsibility for your actions? Can you as my forgiveness without pushing off blame on others?

If you can, I still love you . . .I miss you . . . I miss my friend.

WOOOOO HOOOOOO!!!

I hurt my foot in September of 2010, 6 weeks ago tomorrow I had surgery to fix my Achillies tendon and my ATFL, and today, my doctor said that I get to start being without the boot 3-4 hours a day. And gradually increase the time without the boot! I am on the mend! I will eventually get to walk without the boot all the time and have a normal foot!!! I'm so excited . . . I accidentially bought 3 pairs of sandals today!! (yes it was an accident! I really didn't mean to buy that many!)

just letting you know . . . .

My life is kind of a "clusterfuck of gargantuan proportion" right now . . . and I don't really want to get in to it . . . I'm sure I will share at some point. But considering my current life and how I was feeling this morning. I was weepy and crying. My friend Susan said to me, "Turn on KLOVE radio station and listen to that, it always cheers me up." I promised her I would. So as I was pulling out of my drive way today to go to the doctor to get my cast off my foot, I changed the station to KLOVE. AS the song was coming on, I realized it was Thomas' song from Mercy me- I can only imagine. I started crying again . . . because I could feel that Thomas was letting me know that everything was going to be all right. That things aren't as bad I was thinking they were. I love moments of "thomas-ness"!!!!!!

How do you feel?

When I was younger I thought I was so wise and smart. I thought I had the tiger by the tail and knew it all. I was wise beyond my years. (or so I thought) When I was 16 I decided that that was the best age, and wouldn't "mentally" age past that, and if you know me in Real life, then you may believe that I really haven't mentally aged past 16. And if you don't count in the foot thing I am currently experience, I still really do feel young, maybe not 16 any more, but maybe in my 20's. In Physical time, I'm 44, at least that's what my birthday cake told me on my last birthday. This got me thinking do the people who are celebrating their 100th birthday feel as though they are 80 or 70 or 60 . . . Do we always feel as though in our minds and heart we are younger than our physical age? My Grandpa lived to be 90, he had Alzheimer's, and didn't know who any of us were, he didn't remember that he had hip replacement, and shouldn't cross his legs any more, (So he would cross his legs and pop his hip out) but he was happy. He found joy in each and every moment, even though he couldn't remember. I remember one time going to the nursing home to see him. I had just had Alex, he was about 7 months old, and still in the walker (and he was in the walker on the patio rolling around) . . . My grandpa wanted to hold Alex. I was scared to let my grandpa hold Alex. My grandpa was so . . . Broken . . . he wasn't physically what I remembered him to be . . . (an old farmer man who had made his life working hard on the land) But I stood close and let my grandpa hold Alex. My grandpa was so happy and excited. He loved holding my baby. He smiled so big, and kept saying "he is such a heavy little fella". It was one of the greatest moments of my life . . . so simply bring this kind of joy to my grandpa. What a blessing. My grandpa didn't know how old he was, he didn't know how "broken" he was. And I love that. His mind was not at the same place as his body was. If we all spend less time thinking about how broken we are and simply enjoy the way our heads and hearts feel, "16", then I think we would be happier. I find myself getting mired down in the worries of today (and yes, currently I do have a lot of worries, lots of changes on the horizon) but if I stay true to my head and heart, and focus on fixing the things I can and finding joy and bliss in each and every moment, then I think the worries of the day will fall away and I will feel more like 16 again . . . What is the age of your head and your heart?

I'm still here

I survived my surgery . . . but I don't know if I will actually survive my recovery . . . Good grief is it hard to lay around and do nothing, since I cant put any weight on my foot . . .

I hate being dependant on people to bring me food or drive me around . . . I'm too independent for this.

So since I'm stuck being broken right now, I'm feeling a little blue . . . but I figure this is temporary . . . and eventually I will be up and about again, and be better than before . . .

Since I got my "rollabout" (A scooterish thing you put your bad leg on and then use your good foot to push your self around on.) I'm a little more mobile! and I love it! I'm so happy I have a little more Independence!

It's amazing how much TV I have watched . . . UGH! Have I ever mentioned that Day time tv sucks. It really does. Thank God I have tons of movies and I'm able to watched them so I don't have to just watch TV.

I watched the movie Hereafter the other day, it was pretty good. But I got this line from the movie. "Death doesn't kill love" I love that. I think about that with Thomas. . . . Just because he died, doesn't mean I quit loving him.

Oh speaking of Thomas, before I had my surgery, I felt Thomas with me, assuring me that I would do fine in my surgery. He wouldn't allow anything to happen to me. I think this was my 13th surgery (They say that the more times they put you out for surgery the worse it is for you and the harder it is to bring you back from it) So the morning I had my surgery, I was calm. I felt Thomas with me . . . When I got to the hospital, they were getting ready for my surgery, and took my blood pressure, it was 70/110 (pretty low) The nurse was so shocked at how low it was, because I was so calm, that she took it twice to be sure. Apparently the surgery went well, I haven't heard that I had any problems. In Recovery I did well and got to come home within a few hours of surgery. Pretty much I think that I was too gorked out on pain meds after surgery that I didn't feel Thomas any more. So I don't know if he was still with me or not.

Since Thomas' death, it seems that when I really need him, he is here with me. I love that. I miss him terribly still, but I feel so blessed that I am able to have him with me from time to time.

So I'm sitting here, happily I have a laptop and I'm able to stay in touch with the world at large and not go totally crazy(ier).

I did get out of the house for a bit yesterday, I was able to go for a little drive, but having my foot NOT up caused it to swell horribly, and that gave me a lot of pain . . . so I guess I'm not able to do that again for a while . . .

Well I have a hankering for "BACON" (food of the Gods) now, so I think I will go get my rollabout and head to the kitchen.

Hope you have a fantastic day!

Surgery March 4

Well Finally!!! That's all I have to say about that! I'm FINALLY going to get my foot surgery and be able to get my life back.

So I want to take a moment and tell everyone how much I love and appreciate them.

My boys you all are total goobers but I love you with all my heart! You are the best thing I have ever done in my life.

My wonderful friends, Jaqui, Lorinda, Mimi, Gennae, what would I do without you? Hopefully I will never find out.

Tim, thank you for all you have done and been.

My most amazing mom and dad ~ Need I say more, they are wonderful beyond anything thing a girl could ask for, I am truly blessed to have them.

A persons life is colored by the people who cross their path, that change and add colors to the page . . . and my life has been enriched and colored more brightly than I had ever hoped it to be. My life is a rainbow because of all of you who have blessed me with your love and friendship.

Thank you all!

I will be a bit out of commission for a while with this surgery, so if you don't see a blog post for a while, just keep checking back, I'm sure there will be one as soon as I'm a bit more mobile.

Sad news

My uncle Richard died yesterday. Feb 4 or 3. (I don't know exactly I'm not really in the loop of knowing details~ and as I am a detail person I feel extra out of sorts for not knowing.)

He had pulmonary fibrosis. And then late last year in 2010, they told him that he also had single cell cancer. At that point they took him off the donor list (he was on the donor list for a lung transplant) and told him to go home. The end was near, they would keep him comfortable but the lung he had hoped to get was not part of the plan anymore.

I talked to him on the phone right around thanksgiving, and he seemed in good spirits. He struggled to breath but we had a good conversation. I had tried to text him a few times since and never received a response, but come to find out, he didn't have a cell phone any more. (Which I didn't know about till last night~ Again, not in the loop)

I go through this every time someone from this side of my family dies. I'm totally out of the loop, as I have been for my whole life. They don't know me, I don't know them, and though I try to keep in touch with them, it seems as though my efforts are futile.

Even when my own biological father passed away, everyone called to talk to him and say goodbye, I had no idea what was going on, and no one bothered to call and tell me. I thought he was safely in the hospital, and planning on going to the next hospital the next day. I didn't find out what was going on till the following morning at about 5 my aunt called to tell me he died, and then about 4 hours later my sister called me. I didn't get to say good bye, and the last time I had talked to him, my words were flippant and insensitive, "Only the good die young Joe, you should be around forever." He proved me wrong. He died 3 months later . . . And those words to him have haunted me since. I didn't ever get to say what I wanted to, or needed to and that has haunted me since, and I'm very angry at my family for not allowing me that.

Then when My Grandma died the same thing happened. A day or so after it happened my uncle called and told me she died.

and now the same thing with Uncle Richard. I never get the opportunity to say goodbye . . . they always take that from me. I'm out of the loop and it hurts my feelings.

But I need to snap myself out of it . . . I need to realize that this isn't about me . . . I need to send love and compassion to my family who is missing the loss of the person who passed . . . but its sometimes hard to move beyond my own feelings and think outside of myself.

As with Thomas I think someone who has had to suffer with a long debilitating disease when they finally get to the end of their lives they are relieved, and I think sometimes the family is a little relieved also . . . for the one ready to go on to the next adventure they see it as a beginning of the end of the pain, and the excitement of the unknown . . . for the family they see the loss, the every day ache of not having that person around any more. As my family in Texas grieves I send my love and compassion, and if they let me know when the funeral is, I will send flowers. Its not much but it makes me feel better to do it.

I'm sure Uncle Richard was ready to go. . . I know he will be missed.

Rest in peace Uncle Richard!

The most amazing thing

I am so blessed.
What a simple statement, but means so much.

After last years pain of loosing Thomas and then the rebuilding of my life again and figuring out who I would keep in my life and who I wouldn't and reinventing myself with my new sense of self, I didn't know if I would ever allow someone new to come in to my heart again. After all, letting Thomas in to my heart was what made it break so badly, right? (No not true, but sometimes in the dark days my heart felt like that.)

I cleaned house last year, deciding who would stay in my life and who would go. Who was actually a friend and who wasn't. Who shared the vision, and who didn't. Who had a heart filled with love for me, as much as I had a heart filled with love for them.

Late in 2010 I made a new friend. It was a "By hook or by Crook" kind of meeting, we are both "Friends" (I use the word lightly) of other people and kind of bonded over a dramatic "Friend" issue . . . but then the "Friends" kind of went away, and still we were there, still wanting to talk, still wanting to be friends . . . It's developed in to something wonderful.

She helps to push me to achieve my goals, and I help her to see how wonderful and amazing she is~ (No one has ever told her how great she is before)

So . . . here is why my word for the year is BELIEVE . . . I have been editing my books and writing again, and she has been helping me. I have 3 books ALMOST READY to start going out to publishers and agents to see if they will publish me . . . (Scary, but very exciting.)

Well she has been talking about a "Super secret Mission" for a long time . . . she was sending me a "Super secret mission" . . . she wouldn't give me many clues about what it was, and so I was totally clueless (Ok so most of the time I am pretty clueless~ but that's beside the point)

So yesterday my "super secret mission" came in the mail.


Woo hoo! I was excited to see what it was! the build up for this box was huge, and I was very excited to get it.

And when I opened the box the first thing I opened was a brandy warmer . . . Very cool! Love it, and then the second thing I opened was this really cool pear brandy with a real pear in the bottle (Apparently they grow the pear in the bottle) and then the third thing was a book . . . MY BOOK!!!!

My amazing friend MADE ME MY BOOK!! She had her friends make the pages and another friend make the binding, and another friend do the art work!! OH my FUCKING GOD!!! This is the most amazing thing I have ever received.

I saw it and teared up . . . the realization that my book could actually be a real book is over the top wonderful! Oh my god! I can't believe it when I look at it, it's my book~ MY BOOK!

I know that may not make a lot of sense to a lot of you, but to see my story written out and put into book form is like one of the hugest things in my life.

I can see my dream . . . I can see the vision of my book being a real book . . . I can see people sitting on buses and trains reading it. I can see women laying in the bath tub falling in love with my characters . . . I can see it! I can really see it!

The reality of my book being a "Real book" is there, its firmly planted in my heart . . . I can see it, and you know what they say . . . "If you can dream it (see it) you can achieve it!" I can see it!!!

I can really see it!!!

And I have my friend to thank for it. Thank you for making my dream and my story into a reality! Thank you for coming in to my life! You have made my life a better place!

Cards part 2

Well I think I've finally done it . . . I got 50 cards made for the holiday!!!

Yea!!! ME!!!

Here is one I did with Pink Green and Brown and then the next is just pink and brown . . . I don't know which one I like best . . .I'm all about bright colors!

This card is so much prettier in person, the picture doesn't do it justice.

Love bits and bobs . . . of different things . . . I think it makes super cute cards with different kinds of stuff on them.

This card turned out so cute I made several of them, and I think I'm going to do this same kind of concept for my grand kids scrapbook pages . . . In side it says "HOOO love you? I dooo!"

I love this pretty holographic paper!

An old fashion one . . .

A little bit of a grungy one . . . kind of fun to just use up the bits and bobs on my table and make something kind of cool out of it. I love the film strip ribbon! Also a FSM special gift!

All year long, especially when things are on sale I buy for all holidays I got most of this stuff on sale and it makes such pretty cards!!

This one I love the papers, and what is super cool about it is that I used glimmer mist so it makes the papers really pearly and pretty, too bad you can't see that in the picture.

That's about it for me. I am super excited to have it all done.

There are two more card half way made on my table that I put together as I was cleaning up . . . I don't know if I will push to get them done or not. I think Destiny and I are going to scrap today, I have 5 more layouts that I need to get done to reach my scrapbook goal for the month, so If I get the opportunity I will see what I can come up with.

Thanks for looking.

Card making January 2011

Every year I have to make cards for Valentines for the store. This year I'm feeling a little behind schedule, but I'm getting there. Boy! The end of January really came up on me fast!!! Too much going on and not enough time to be creative.

So here is the first batch of Cards I have made for this year. (I am concentrating mostly on Valentines and love cards, I will get to making some "Get Well" "Birthday" and "Sympathy" when I get past this Glorious holiday (Yes ~ Do read sarcasm in to that!)

My "Fairy scrap mother" sends me such wonderful things, like the little purple roses on this card. It is so pretty in real life.

This one on the inside says "Wanna Monkey around?" too fun!

Look at the beautiful my FSM (Fairy Scrap Mother) sent me . . . Simple card, but so pretty, the papers are totally yummy!!!

This one is one of my favorites from my making last night~ Love the Ribbons, and the little clothes line clip.

Too cute, just lot of little things that I had, and combined! Turned out cute~

Hugs~ This is another of the combined things . . .

More yummy Ribbon from My FSM~ and the papers are from her too~! She is totally wonderful to me! I'm such a spoiled girlie!!!

This card is pretty simple looking, but I totally love it~ it's one of my absolute favs from last night. More ribbon and paper from my FSM. And I glimmer misted it, (you can't really see it in the pic, but its all shinny!)

The teal paper is metallic, and is so pretty~! I love all things shinny and sparkly!

This is another of the cards that I just kind of picked up things out of my Valentines day box and combined them, and another super cute card! I save things all year long and find super cool things for Valentines day and just add it to my box of valentines day goodies, and TA-DA~ Wonderfulness!

The picture doesn't do the card justice . . . the colors are so pretty.

This word was one of the first things I cut with my cricut, (when I first got it) I don't know why I cut it in blue . . . but it works with this pretty paisley paper~

Another totally Yummy ribbon from my FSM!

This is the inside to the following card.

Front of the card.


I have a lot of people that like that vintage school feel for valentines day cards . . . so I always make some old "school" cards.

Inside to the following card

Pretty butterfly paper again, and then badge on it is from some yummy paper my FSM sent. Love it~

I love anything Star and star related so this was right up my alley~

Another of my most favorite cards. Love the reds and the fun-ness of it~

Pretty and simple, I love pink and brown together, it reminds me of Kennedy's room which I painted those colors. . .

Today my goal is to do some more stuff with patterned papers . . . I haven't been using much patterned papers . . . need to . . . it makes it so fun~

I'm all about love~~~ I love love~~

Clean lines . . . I'm not an overly fussy person but I love sparkly things and different textures and this card hits all the things I really like~

Well that's it for now . . . Hope you like them. They were a lot of fun to make~

Not a hero . . . .

I KNOW I have an angel (yes, my angel has a little bit of devil in him! I love that about him) with me . . . My Thomas is with me always . . . I feel it. I know it. I love it. There are days when he is more evident in my life than others . . .

Yesterday, 1-22-11 was one of those days . . .

I have had a lot of issues with this foot thing lately and feeling a bit out of sorts and what not, and it seems when I get to feeling like that, something happens to snap me out of it it~ or maybe I should say SLAP me out of it!

So back to my story~ I was at the store yesterday doing orders and working on store stuff, taping vases and getting ready for that ever so lovely holiday "valentines" UGH!

I was waiting on a teenage girl to come get her bout. (There was a snowball dance at one of the schools) and she was running late, 3 hours late, and though I needed to be at the store, I was annoyed that she was late . . . if you are going to tell me you will be at my store by noon, be there! Its just that simple. I was at the store late not only because of the silly teenage girl with Time issues, but because I was going to meet one of my brides at her hotel to see how a different wedding was being set up so we could get more ideas. So there was no point in coming home just to go back over by the store to the hotel.

So when I finally was on my way to the hotel, I called my bride.
No answer.
Strange.
I left her a message saying I was going to the hotel even if she couldn't make it, that I would look around and report back to her next week on what I saw. Pretty simple stuff.

I get to the hotel and park in the handicapped parking (I got a handicapped parking pass about 2 weeks ago~ Stupid foot issues) and I'm walking across the parking lot to the front door of the hotel . . . and I hear someone yell out. It wasn't a scream, it was more like a yell . . .

I look up and there is a man laying face down on the sidewalk. I yell over to him "Sir, are you all right?" I thought he had tripped and fallen. No answer. I yell again as I start toward him . "Sir, are you all right?" As I'm running, (Yes you can run and wear a cast at the same time, it isn't graceful and I shouldn't have probably been doing it, but oh well.) I am screaming at this point, "Call 911!" And then I'm there at the side of the man laying face down on the ground.

I roll him to his side. I'm standing over him my legs bracing both sides of his body. I'm holding his head up off the ground, he is bleeding from having scrapped his face on the sidewalk. His face is blue and his lips are really blue . . . his eyes are rolled up in his head. He is having a grand mal seizure. I know grand mal . . . we are on a first name basis. (My oldest son has epilepsy~ and I was with him the one and only time he had a grand mal) I wish I didn't know grand mal . . . it is one of the most scariest things I have ever witnessed.

This Spanish man comes to "help" (I use the word lightly) he keeps saying that the man on the ground needs keys in his hand and needs to play with keys. I'm thinking he is stupid and needs to shut the fuck up . . . but I don't say anything at this point.

Another guy comes and helps.

The seizure abates a little. . . And the guy on the ground tries to sit up. We sit him up, I'm standing behind him, he is leaning back on my legs . . . and he he is grabbing me and pulling me . . . I am talking calm to him . . . he keeps pulling at my sweater, and my shoulders, pulling me to him. I keep telling him "Everything will be all right" "I'm here with you." "I'm not going any where." I rub his head and talk sweet to him.

The "stupid man" keeps wanting to get my "seizure guy" up . . . and move him. Finally I lost it, his mouth had been flapping and he wasn't saying anything good or helpful. I told him to "Shut the fuck up! That he had no clue what he was talking about and that he was NOT helping and that he should get the fuck away." (Ok I'm not very nice. I have told people that several times and they never believe me. But it's true~ I'm not very nice.) Finally stupid man left . . . the other guy stayed and helped. He was actually being very helpful. He got Seizure guys phone out of his pocket and called his brother whose number was stored in his phone.

Hotel staff came out and stood around watching me take care of the seizure guy. Police officer came. Why is it if you need an ambulance you get police? If you need police you get firemen? I don't get it. So police man stood there and watched me take care of seizure guy too.

Finally seizure guy is semi lucid. He looks at me and says "Am I in trouble?" "No you're not. You had a seizure and I found you." I ask his name, he says "Brian" I tell him who I am . . . He asks me again "Am I in trouble?" "No, you aren't. Everyone is just here to help you." He looks at me with Bright blue eyes~ Thomas eyes . . .

Ambulance finally gets there.

And stupid Ambulance guy treats me like I'm stupid . . . ass hole. Hey, I was there and took care of this guy all this time, where the fuck were you . . . Eating donuts?? you took your time getting here. I don't say this, but if looks could speak, I'm sure he could hear me loud and clear.

Brian (Seizure guy) keeps holding on to me . . . they put him on the gurney and are getting ready to take him away. I tell him that he is safe now, and that he is in good hands (well at least he will be once get gets to the hospital ~ Ambulance guy was an ass!)

Hotel people are coming up to me and telling me I'm a hero . . . They are thanking me, and patting me. It was like one of those scenes from a movie. . . I'm numb . . . I didn't do anything other than just hold Brian and keep "Stupid guy" from doing more damage than good. Not a hero . . . I pull my sweater closed and close in on myself . . .

I go into the hotel, still haven't seen my bride.

The wedding that we were there to look at is all set up, but I'm in a fog. Wedding pictures being taken on the stairs so I go to the elevator, and there is this little old man being very confused. CRAP! Will this day ever end?? I ask if he needs help . . . he can't find his wife. He is VERY confused. So I help him. FINALLY go up and see the wedding set up (I forgot to go up to the ball room where the reception was~ Just totally slipped my mind.). . . and I leave the hotel . . . People are still stopping me on my way out of the hotel and telling me I'm a hero and thanking me for helping Brian. I just want them to stop . . .

I get in my car and start to cry . . . I call Tim and cry to him . . . I call Lorinda and Cry to her . . . I tried to call Mimi and cry to her but she didn't pick up . . . (Probably a good thing on her part! I was a bit crazy.)

I don't know why I was crying . . . I don't know what my head and heart were doing.

It was like I was supposed to be there . . . I was supposed to be crossing that parking lot at that moment . . . I was supposed to protect Brian from the stupid guy . . . I was supposed to be there. Brian had Thomas' eyes . . . He pulled at me, and needed me there.

I cried all the way home from the hotel . . . I came in to the house poured a cognac and sat down with my heating pad and cried some more.

My bride called me in the evening, and said that she was at the hotel . . . that she saw the ambulance , and thought it might be me there but didn't know . . . She and I totally missed each other. I guess I was supposed to be there for another reason.

Today I'm still a little freaked out . . . I hope Brian is all right . . .

I'm not a hero, I was just in the right place at the right time . . . I had an angel making sure I did what I was supposed to do.