I give up . . .

I give in . . . things are too BIG for me to take on . . . they are too much for my heart to bear . . . I have to give it up to a higher power . . . to let God take care of those I love, that are traveling a black and darkened path. I can't fix it . . . none of it.

I can cry.
I can yell.
I can hang up the phone.
I can ache.

But in the end, I have no control . . .
I can worry.
I can ponder.
I can hurt.
I can give it up to some one who can take it on . . . because I sure can't.

I feel like falling to my knees and crying, begging God to help, to fix it . . . but then the "logical" (Yes I said the L word . . .and applied it to myself.) side of myself says that God doesn't just fix things because he got a decree from Cheriland.

"Fix it God!"
I know it doesn't work that way . . . but it is worth a try.

I don't know if it is MY lesson that needs to be learned or other peoples. But apparently God has some sort of plan I am not aware of . . . I like it better when I'm "in the know" but I don't think God works like that . . . If I am going to try to tread this path, then I'm going to have to give up trying to KNOW and MAKE SENSE OF THINGS.

So, just so everyone knows, I give up . . . I'm giving all this to God to take care of . . . Its in His hands. (I did give the kids MY phone number, sometimes I think I'm a little quicker working than God, so the kids can give it to me, and then I can work my magic, and then I can give it to God and he can do what He has to do.)

Oh, and if God needs a day off, I am ready to take on a day so He can get a good tan . . . I have a few things I would like to fix.