Prayers needed

I love this man.He has been my best friend for nearly 30 years.

He and I have shared the ups and downs of life . . . He has been my measuring stick that I've gauged all the other men in my life against. He has been my middle of the night phone calls, he has been the "push me to the next level" person . . . he is constantly pushing me to try and do . . .

I want to smack him in the head with a baseball bat! (no, that's not an exaggeration.)

This is Roger and his son Jacob . . . There is A special bond between them. Roger raised Jacob from the time he was a 1 pound 15 oz preemie all by himself. When Jacob's heart stopped, Roger revived his tiny son and has been his sole parent since.

This is Roger's wife and her two beautiful daughters, Brianna (the older one) and Dakota (the younger one.)

I'm choking up on the bat as we speak.

I wasn't sure about Hileigh at first . . . I had been the "Woman" in Roger's life for more years than I could count . . . and then finally, someone stepped in, that didn't replace me, but complemented me and the relationship I have with Roger.

It was hard being Roger's "Best Man" at his wedding to Hileigh . . . he had been "mine" for so long, I wasn't used to sharing, and all the other women in his life had excluded me, and made it really hard for me to be his "best friend". The day before their wedding I almost came home, it would be too hard to watch Roger leave me and be with someone else . . . He was replacing me, so I thought. But then after a day at Sea, he and I talked and he reassured me that he would always need me, want me and have a place in his life for me.

This is a picture of Brianna and me, last summer 2009, when she came out to Colorado and spent time with her Auntie Cheri and Uncle Tim . . . What a super smart, wonderful young lady with a fantastic head on her shoulders! I'm proud to be her Auntie!!!

She is a FANTASTIC musician! And an A+ honor student . . . smarter than most adults. She spent the day with me and Tim and talked about music and watch Cotton Club with us, because she loves that time period! She is amazing!

After Roger and Hiliegh got married they decided to have an "Ours" and got twins.

David~

Lilly~
They are 3 years old now, but I like these pictures of them, and as this is my Blog I can put what ever pictures I want on it.

As the little ones are still little, this blog is more about Brianna and Dakota and Jacob . . . and well . . . of course Roger and Hi.

In the last few years Roger and Hi have struggled . . . the jobs they were working went "toe up" and they had thought they could make money in the housing market and bought 2 tiny houses in the California Bay area for the tune of 1 million dollars. They were up to their eyeballs in debt when the housing market went under. Then Hi got some figment of her imagination disease, and Roger lost his job . . . Talking to them on the phone was like taking downers. Seeing them was even harder.

18 years ago, Roger would keep me up all night long crying and talking to me on the phone, he finally decided to go to AA and has been sober ever since.

Last week, he called me and told me he was going to drink. He hadn't done it yet . . . And I wanted to scream NO NO NO NO NO. . . But as he and Hi were going to do it together (They met 13 stepping~ When two people in AA hook up) and she was off the wagon too . . . I knew there was nothing I could say that would change it.

Yesterday, I got a call from Roger, and he said that Hi is doing Meth.

I don't even have words or thoughts or . . . anything I can say . . .

her figment of her imagination disease gives her "Chronic pain", she is "Tired", she doesn't have any "Motivation", and the Meth helps her. It "helps" her to have to motivation to take care of the twins . . . it gives her the energy to want to go to the park with them. Maybe they should make a commercial for meth that says, "If you want to have the energy to deal with life, have some Meth, and all will be wonderful and rosey." I think it would be a great selling tool. UGH!

Again I have no words. . . . Just tears. And a VERY broken heart

All the things that Hi has, I have, but I'm not standing on the corner doing meth. (What do you do with meth any way, smoke it, eat it, snort it?? I don't know. See if I knew where to get drugs I wouldn't know what to do with them when I got them. Don't worry, I'm not going to do drugs. Never have, Never will.)

Roger tries to justify her actions to me.

In that Justification he says, Well I pour myself a drink (32 oz of rum with a little coke in it and gets to drunk he stumbles to bed. Plus he has started smoking pot with Hi. I guess it's their bonding time. UGH!!!) to decompress and sit and watch movies on TV. WHAT DO THEY HAVE TO DECOMPRESS FROM????

Oh did I tell you that Last week, Roger got put on Disability for Depression, and has been out of work since? Along with Hi Being on Disability for her "Figment of her imagination" neither are working, Roger is drinking and smoking pot, and Hi is drinking and using meth and smoking pot . . . I am devastated.

I want to hit them both in the head with a base ball bat.

She is on a slippery slope . . . and holding tightly to Roger's hand and taking him down with her . . . and what of those 5 kids???

I worry for the kids . . . I talked with Brianna last night . . . and told her I'm there for her . . . for all the kids just to keep me posted. I am only a phone call away.

I KNOW that there is NOTHING I can do at this moment . . . there is NOTHING I can do to FIX any of this . . . but it makes my heart hurt . . . and I have to ask everyone to help me . . . to pray to ask god, gia, Jesus, a saint . . . who ever your "higher power" is to help . . . help the kids, they have got to be safe . . . the parents need to be beaten up . . . but I'll take care of that at a later date. (I don't need help with that)

I am giving this up . . . I can't let it make me sick . . . but I can have people pray . . . Think good thoughts for the kids. They are all amazing! And need the love of everyone who has the ability to send them good thoughts and strength.

Today tomorrow and always~ Please God, Keep Brianna, Jacob, Dakota, David and Lilly safe, and out of harms way. Let them thrive and be drug free people . . . let them make good choices. PLEASE, Keep them in the safety of your arms.