This last couple weeks have been VERY trying for me. But apparently it's a lesson God wants me to learn. That I have NO control over ANYTHING.
Tim will talk to the guy in Nebraska on Thursday . . . What can I say about that? I don't want him to go, but I know if he needs to we will make due with what good things we are provided.
Alex Won't tell me anything about anything . . . so I have no update about that.
And next . . . My heart aches . . . My BFF Roger 
has been struggling. Struggling very hard with his sobriety . . . Well, I wouldn't even say that, he is struggling more with his wife and their lives and those kinds of things. So he called me last night and said, "I just want you to know, I've made a decision, and I'm going to the bar tonight and have a few drinks." What am I supposed to say to that? Yippee! 
Something else for me to worry about. I am working really hard at not placing blame . . . but I want to. I want to blame his wife . . . I want to yell at her that she is dragging my boy down, I want to tell her to get her shit together and grow the fuck up . . . that he had been doing so good, and since she has fallen off the wagon and been wanting to hang out in bars like a bar fly tramp, she is screwing up my BFF's life. I guess I wouldn't mind if they both had "A" drink, but I'm not sure they can do that. They are not the kinds of people who can just have a glass of wine at night, and sit back and enjoy. They are more the obsessive kind of people that have to drink everyday, and get totally drunk. 15 years of sobriety for him . . . and now it's over. I think he will be so upset with himself. And I feel the mad urge to pop someone in the head. STUPID STUPID STUPID! And again, I am learning the lesson that I have no control over anything . . .
has been struggling. Struggling very hard with his sobriety . . . Well, I wouldn't even say that, he is struggling more with his wife and their lives and those kinds of things. So he called me last night and said, "I just want you to know, I've made a decision, and I'm going to the bar tonight and have a few drinks." What am I supposed to say to that? Yippee! Something else for me to worry about. I am working really hard at not placing blame . . . but I want to. I want to blame his wife . . . I want to yell at her that she is dragging my boy down, I want to tell her to get her shit together and grow the fuck up . . . that he had been doing so good, and since she has fallen off the wagon and been wanting to hang out in bars like a bar fly tramp, she is screwing up my BFF's life. I guess I wouldn't mind if they both had "A" drink, but I'm not sure they can do that. They are not the kinds of people who can just have a glass of wine at night, and sit back and enjoy. They are more the obsessive kind of people that have to drink everyday, and get totally drunk. 15 years of sobriety for him . . . and now it's over. I think he will be so upset with himself. And I feel the mad urge to pop someone in the head. STUPID STUPID STUPID! And again, I am learning the lesson that I have no control over anything . . .And lastly, I have to apologise to my BFF Jaqui
. . . I feel bad that I didn't email you back . . . When you emailed me, saying you would be there . . . In my little Pea head I just knew it was all good and it would be taken care of . . . that you had my back . . . that I didn't need to worry about it any more. So I didn't . . . I should have at least sent you a smile or something . . . and I'm sorry for being inconsiderate . . . I just know that when you tell me you will do something, it will be done . . . it was off my plate . . . So thank you for always being there and being with me in my times of need. . . . remember that door swings both ways and if you are ever in need I am here for you!!! Love you! Thank you!
. . . I feel bad that I didn't email you back . . . When you emailed me, saying you would be there . . . In my little Pea head I just knew it was all good and it would be taken care of . . . that you had my back . . . that I didn't need to worry about it any more. So I didn't . . . I should have at least sent you a smile or something . . . and I'm sorry for being inconsiderate . . . I just know that when you tell me you will do something, it will be done . . . it was off my plate . . . So thank you for always being there and being with me in my times of need. . . . remember that door swings both ways and if you are ever in need I am here for you!!! Love you! Thank you!
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