And today we feast on . . . crap

As the wonderful "craptacular crap fest continues"

Big Sigh.

In today's feast . . . lets start with our appetizer.


The "child" has to be "wired" and go buy "Bad drugs" to catch the "Bad Drug Dealer". This appetizer leaves a very bad taste in my mouth. (I can't say any more about it~ I probably shouldn't have even said this much, but it's hard to know that this kind of thing is happening, and to know that one of mine is involved and that the potential of it going really bad is very great.)

Our Salad~
Our ever amazing "Asshole" child is suspected of using Steroids . . . another yummy prospect. In the past 3 months he has just about doubled in size. He is aggressive and mean, still not speaking to me, thinks he is always right, and spend 4 hours a day working out. The "suspicious one" thinks "Asshole child" is using something called "D-bomb" (At least that is what I think it is) It's some kind of Russian steroid, that doesn't show up in drug tests . . . but still shrinks your nuts to the size of raisins . . . How wonderful . . . I'd like to introduce you to my son "Raisin nuts" he used to be called "Asshole" but we thought this name was more appropriate. Makes a mother so proud.


For our main course today


The biggest piece of crap you have ever seen. YUMM!


Tim got a job offer in Nebraska~ to work in Iowa. (I know that doesn't make sense, but in some twisted reality that I live in, I guess that's how it's supposed to work.)

And he wants to take it.

Despite me saying "NO NO NO!!!" And "NO NO HELL NO!!" And "NO FUCKING WAY!"

ok . . .

Big sigh . . .

we have lived apart before . . .

But with everything going on in my world currently . . .

I DON'T WANT HIM TO TAKE IT!

I don't think I can be any clearer.

I have said these words to him. "I do NOT want you to take this job."

I have tried to be strong.

I didn't want to cry.

But then he comes at it from a different direction. "If I take this job will you still want to marry me?"

What?!?!

Why would he even ask that?

I don't understand . . .

Does that mean that if he stays here he doesn't want to marry me or that he does want to marry me but doesn't know if I want to marry him.


My BFF Lorinda said "If there are jobs in Iowa, there are jobs in Colorado." Makes sense to me.


Tim wants my support . . . to leave me . . . and go work in Iowa.


How to I support something I think if totally CRAPTACULAR!??!?!?!?


I don't want him to go. I don't want to be supportive. I don't want to say its ok, it's not. I don't want to have to go through all the crap on my own. I know my BFF Jaqui will be here for me in a moments notice, but She has already had to see me crazy one time. I don't really want her to have to go through "Crazy Cheri" again. How much Crazy Cheri can one girl take? And I'm running out of dishes, I don't have any more I can afford to break. And I'm trying to contain the Crazy Cheri . . . no one should have to deal with her more than once.

I'm tired. I wake up tired. I go to bed tired. I'm tired. Just sooooo tired. I don't want to deal with this any more. Do I ever get a break?

When do I get to have the things I want?

I want to have my kids be happy and not in trouble. I want to have my man here with me. I want to have my business going well. I want to have all my friends happy with jobs. Is that too much to ask?

I just want to be happy.

So the rest of today's feast has been cancelled, no dessert for you . . . on account that I'm too depressed to continue typing.