Feeling so hurt . . . .

About a week ago I wrote that I was "betrayed" and I really was . . . I sat on that information till today, while I processed it, and tried not to "Have a Redheaded moment" and go crazy without thinking things through.

I talked with my "rock" ~ Tim

and he was very helpful . . . and I talked with Lorinda and Gennae(I don't know why her picture is so much smaller than the others, humm) . . . I knew what all 3 of them would say, but I talked with them any way . . . they say that I have put more effort in to a relationship with a "friend" who has NEVER valued my friendship . . . NEVER . . . because the betrayal's just keep coming and coming . . .

Tonight I read on her face book that "she enjoyed a beautiful day" Excuse my language, but "What the FUCK!!!" so this morning she "looses her best friend of 30 years and today she is enjoying a beautiful day?!?!?!?!?!" I have been miserable all day . . . but I guess I should have been enjoying my day . . . if only I could . . . at this moment all I can see is that I wasted 3o years of friendship with someone who had no respect for me, and didn't value me or my friendship or the forgiveness I gave her for her MANY indiscretions.

I know in my HEAD that sometimes we outgrow people, we move to a place in our head and hearts that they can't go . . . we mature at different rates . . . we have a different dogma, different morals . . . but to think that I had a friend for 30 years, and that she can "enjoy a beautiful day" on a day where I am miserable and mourning the loss of a 30 year friendship is unthinkable . . .

So Deb, (I know you don't read my blog- but it will help me to get this off my chest) where is your heart???? Where are your morals? When will you realize that you can't keep hurting the people that you supposedly love, and for it to just continue to be ok . . . I forgave you for your indiscretion with my former husband, I forgave you when you yelled at me because your husband wanted to sleep with one of MY friends and I was standing in the way . . . but what you did with Alex is UNFORGIVABLE . . . Don't fuck with my kids!!!! If you were here I would beat the shit out of you!!! you know where I stand on EVERY issue . . . you should have known how I would react . . . but you have no morals, you have no concern for anyone other than yourself . . . and you will always be that way . . . so many people have told me to "get rid of you" , "delete" you from my life for years and years now, and I have always seen your penitential . . . now you have lost that . . . you have no limits, you have no morals . . . and darling, I have drawn my line in the sand and you have crossed it . . . I told you before, "don't fuck with my kids" and you didn't respect me or that . . . and now it's over . . . I will NEVER forgive you for this . . . So Good bye Deb . . . I'm done . . . Miss me if you can, but I will be over it after this . . .

who's laughing now??? it isn't me . . .because none of this if funny . . .