Monday, March 28, 2011

How do you feel?

When I was younger I thought I was so wise and smart. I thought I had the tiger by the tail and knew it all. I was wise beyond my years. (or so I thought) When I was 16 I decided that that was the best age, and wouldn't "mentally" age past that, and if you know me in Real life, then you may believe that I really haven't mentally aged past 16. And if you don't count in the foot thing I am currently experience, I still really do feel young, maybe not 16 any more, but maybe in my 20's. In Physical time, I'm 44, at least that's what my birthday cake told me on my last birthday. This got me thinking do the people who are celebrating their 100th birthday feel as though they are 80 or 70 or 60 . . . Do we always feel as though in our minds and heart we are younger than our physical age? My Grandpa lived to be 90, he had Alzheimer's, and didn't know who any of us were, he didn't remember that he had hip replacement, and shouldn't cross his legs any more, (So he would cross his legs and pop his hip out) but he was happy. He found joy in each and every moment, even though he couldn't remember. I remember one time going to the nursing home to see him. I had just had Alex, he was about 7 months old, and still in the walker (and he was in the walker on the patio rolling around) . . . My grandpa wanted to hold Alex. I was scared to let my grandpa hold Alex. My grandpa was so . . . Broken . . . he wasn't physically what I remembered him to be . . . (an old farmer man who had made his life working hard on the land) But I stood close and let my grandpa hold Alex. My grandpa was so happy and excited. He loved holding my baby. He smiled so big, and kept saying "he is such a heavy little fella". It was one of the greatest moments of my life . . . so simply bring this kind of joy to my grandpa. What a blessing. My grandpa didn't know how old he was, he didn't know how "broken" he was. And I love that. His mind was not at the same place as his body was. If we all spend less time thinking about how broken we are and simply enjoy the way our heads and hearts feel, "16", then I think we would be happier. I find myself getting mired down in the worries of today (and yes, currently I do have a lot of worries, lots of changes on the horizon) but if I stay true to my head and heart, and focus on fixing the things I can and finding joy and bliss in each and every moment, then I think the worries of the day will fall away and I will feel more like 16 again . . . What is the age of your head and your heart?

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