My head is so full . . . .

Its about to pop . . .

So, let me back track a bit . . .

Tim wants to go get the trailer down in new Mexico . . . should be fun . . . but he picks this weekend to do it.

Well . . .
~this weekend is Tony's 20th birthday! and I know he probably isn't going to spend time with me, but if he wants to I want to be around for that.
~I have had 4 wedding consultations
~ Maggianos down town Denver is trying to give me a nervous breakdown

With so much wedding/party stuff and then Maggianos wanting me to do more for them, I feel totally overwhelmed! I worry that there is not enough of ME to go around.

When I come home it takes everything in me not to fall asleep on the sofa . . . I'm tired. I'm exhausted. I cook dinner and that's about all the energy I have . . . (What I don't understand is why I have to cook dinner every night, and then put it all away and clean the kitchen . . . Why is that my job . . . I am one of 3 people living here. . . And I work hard too. I think if I cook then someone else should put the stuff away and someone else should clean the kitchen but it all falls on me. But I digress . . . back to the topic at hand.)

But we are going to go pick up the trailer this weekend . . . and Tim is upset at me because I'm not more excited . . .

Have you seen me lately . . . I'm not excited for anything- I'm tired! I need help in the store . . . Mom keeps telling me, "I'm helping you." but she isn't doing all the things that I need or even want to have done . . . I'm tired.

I went and picked up a book on CD for the "going to new Mexico" trip . . . and Tim said "That's the first thing you've done that even makes me think you are even remotely excited." Excited . . . I think it's in there somewhere . . . but my primary emotions are tired and overwhelmed . . . I need a break! He keeps saying to me, "You need a break, that's why we are going." But then he is putting pressure on me to "Be excited."

Why do I have to be excited now??? I still have so much to do!!! I have to go to work and do a party, and the orders and get the rest of the store cleaned up . . . and then I have to go with Alex to his college because they "Randomly picked us to be . . . fucked up the ass" Hummm . . . maybe that wasn't it . . . I don't know . . . So when Alex and I go later today, I will bring my last years taxes and some lube~ just in case.

Then yesterday, When I talked to Tim, I told him I wanted to work a half day on Saturday . . . and he said that was fine, and then now he is mad at me for working an half day on Saturday (Because it will put us in New Mexico too late) . . . so now I have to talk to mom again and ask her if I can have Saturday and Monday off. I'm tired. I'm overwhelmed with stuff for the store . . . and I don't have any relief from that . . .

Driving to New Mexico to pick up the trailer and then driving back is probably not going to make me relaxed~ Have I motioned I have car anxiety??? Did we all forget that I HATE TO BE IN THE CAR . . . Don't get me wrong, I do want to go, I do want to spend some time with Tim, I do want to get the hell out of dodge . . . but . . . I didn't want there to be so much pressure on me to do this and "be excited" and "relax" and "have a good time" . . .

I love my blog. . . it's a good place to vent . . .