"I go by Cyd"

I got a text from my sweet niece Jessie last night saying "I saw Cindy!" (Cindy is my older sister- Jessie's bio mom! I'm the mom of her heart!)

I was half asleep when I read the message so I had a hard time wrapping my head around what she was saying. So I talked with her this morning.

I guess she and her boy friend were out with friends, and they were in the "wrong" part of town (not the greatest section) and Jessie was waiting in the car and this "lady" (I use the word loosely) walked in front of her car.

Jessie immediately knew it was Cindy. So she had her boyfriend Aaron

go into the store and ask her if her name was Cindy. She says "I go by Cyd M----" (Dont' want to put the last name on here) Aaron was like, "oh ok." and he turned to walk away. Apparently Cindy followed him through the store saying, "how do you know me?" I wonder if she thought he was one of her kids? And she just didn't recognize him. (Which she wouldn't of course, she hasn't seen any of her children in about 12 years.) (I don't know why this picture is so small, but it's a picture of Jessie and Justin and Jeffrey.)

Jessie was shocked that she ran in to Cindy. (Jessie calls her Cindy, she calls me mom.) (Its funny, cuz I'm not that nice, If I was in my car and Cindy was walking in the parking lot in front of me, I wonder how tempting it would have been to run her over! Just kidding, but it's fun to think about. )

Jessie said that Cindy looks horrible. (This is the most recent picture we have of her. She sent this to my dad last year.) And she kept playing with her tongue . . . (Which I guess is what people do who have been on "Bad" drugs for a long time. (I didn't know that, but my other wonderful niece Rahni Rae

(Who is going to be a nurse) told that Jessie, and Jessie told me. The things you learn at 6 AM!

I actually think it's good that Jessie got to see Cindy . . . I think that based on how Cindy was that Jessie can see that Cindy hasn't changed. (And then she can tell her siblings, her version of Cindy, rather than me telling them mine.)

I still hope, that someday Cindy will pull her life together and be the kind of person she "Should be", "Could be." but at 48 years old, I don't know that she WANTS to change, and I think you have really got to want to change, want to be better, want to step past the ~ past . . . and move forward.

When We were young, I adored my sister. She was so "Cool" and "wild". I remember her trying to teach me to ride my mini bike (a little motorcycle- it's tiny.) and when I didn't really get it, she would ride me around on it.

I remember her and I walking to the gas station in Brighton and singing "Ben" By Michael Jackson. "Ben the two of us we look no more. We both found what we were looking for. With a friend to call my own, I'll never be alone, and you my friend will see . . . you got a friend in me (Got a friend in me) I used to say (I used to say) I am near (I am near) Now it's time (Now it's time) Now it's here (Now it's here)" It was wonderful!

She was all the things I wished I was . . . I was a "Good Girl" and she walked on the edge . . . she didn't think before she did things, she just ran head first in to things. I was more of a thinker. And as I got older (in my teens) I loved the way she was! I thought she was so cool! My friend Jaqui and I wanted to be like her . . . Not the BAD things she did, but the "Cool, sexy" things.

She taught me how to make "Fudge Jumbles" YUMM! and all through high school I made lots of "Fudge jumbles" for ever potluck type of thing I went to.

CREAMY FUDGE JUMBLES
Printed from COOKS.COM
1 c. butter

2 eggs2

1/2 c. flour

3 c. oatmeal

12 oz. chocolate chips

1 c. chopped nuts (optional- I never used nuts)

2 c. brown sugar

2 tsp. vanilla

1 tsp. baking soda

1 can sweetened condensed milk

2 tbsp. butter

Cream together butter and brown sugar.

Add and stir in eggs and vanilla.

Add and mix well the flour, baking soda and oatmeal.

Spread 2/3 of mixture into bottom of 10x15 inch pan.

Melt in double boiler or microwave the chips and condensed milk.

Spread that mixture over the bottom crust.

Cover with the remaining crust. (It will be just dropped on by bits here and there.)

Bake 25 minutes at 350 degrees.

I guess why I'm saying all of this, is that She wasn't always a bad person, and even the people who don't do the right things still have redeeming things about them. For me with Cindy, it's the memories I have from when she was young, and when I was a little girl.

I am going to work really hard at not saying bad things about Cindy . . . I have always tired not to, especially to her kids. I might even try to go through some of my things and make a "Good Cindy book" for them. So they can see that she wasn't always the way she is now.

I want to remind all my kids, that the choices you make in life, really do effect you~ down the road. My good friend "Robert Redbear" told me about choices. "Choices are like the branches of a tree. You can choose to go down one branch, and it will take you to a weak limb, or you can choose to go down another branch, and it's a strong branch, big and tall, and wide and easy. You are still always on the same tree, but you get to choose where you want to be on that tree." (Don't you just love Indian logic?!?!? (I do!!), The choices we make and can take your life on a different path than what you think you are going to be on. I guess we all need to think about that as we travel this life.

I am so proud of all MY "kids", Jessie has got such a great head on her shoulders. And Rahni is going to accomplish so much! I do believe that the things we go through in our lives make us stronger . . . and my girls have gone through a lot. They have accomplished great things. And I know in my heart of heart that because of the hardships they have had in the past, they know where they DON'T want to be . . . and will work to make their lives better.