there are days when all of a sudden I realize I will never see Thomas again. It's a horrible thought. It is like someone driving stakes through my heart. Ever time a battery dies in my house I think it's Thomas trying to manifest himself as a ghost (I think I've watched too many episodes of Ghost hunter)When I'm at work and I hear the song "I can only imagine" by Mercy Me, I feel like a wreck . . . I ache, and I hurt, and I hope, that Thomas it there in the beauty of Heaven. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0xwzItqYmII Here is a link to the song, I don't know how to actually post the video. Every time I hear this song I imagine Thomas in heaven dancing and singing . . . looking out for me, telling me not to be sad, not to miss him, that he is well and happy . . . and that we will be together soon, (Soon for him is the blink of an eye, for me it is years and years)
I SO want him to be happy . . .and well . . . and standing there waiting . . . waiting to greet all of us as we come . . . I know that "heaven" is a better place for having him there. But damn, I still want him here with me. Is that selfish? I don't know.
When I've had older people pass away, there is grief, and sadness . . . but to have Thomas die has hurt me beyond anything I can think of . . . I had so many things I still wanted to say to him, so many things I still wanted to do.
But now I guess "I can only imagine . . . "
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