I did it to myself

It's raining.


And I have pieces and parts that haven't been feeling well.


So I came home from work and decided to watch movies!



I love movie days.



I watched ~



Somethings gotta give




As good as it gets


Witches of Eastwick


Bucket list


A few good men

Do you see a pattern?? Yes I was in Jack Nicholson mode.

I did all right watching all the movies except "Bucket List" The first time they mentioned Cancer, I started crying . . . and didn't stop till after the movie was over. Alex was watching it with me, and he said "Mom, Thomas wouldn't want you to cry . . . he would want you to be happy and enjoy your life." Made me cry even more.

I watched the Bucket list and thought of Thomas, and all the things he never got to do . . . All the things I wanted for him. All the things that I had wished for him. . . . The things that will never happen for him now.


I miss him so much . . . I ache for those silly moments . . . I ache to talk to him. I have two messages from him on my phone, and I listen to them often . . . when he says he will be at "Walter Reed" hospital on "Tuesday" I always cry . . . I don't want him at Walter Reed on Tuesday, I want him here with me.


Part of me knew I wasn't ready for a movie like Bucket list . . . Part of me knew that it would be horrible hard to watch . . . and it was . . . I did it to myself.


Will there ever come a time when I won't hurt over the loss of my boy?


Isn't it amazing how something so simple as a "movie day" can turn a girl in to a blubbering mess???