Strange Memory

Have you ever woke up in the middle of the night with "strange-ness" on your mind . . .

When I was a little girl, my mom and I lived in Denver, one block off of Alameda, and one block off of Federal. It wasn't a great area even back then . . . in the VERY early 1970's. (now its even worse.)

But I remember going out to go play in the "back yard" we lived in one side of a duplex, and shared a back yard with Leona and Junior. Our land lady lived in the house next door, her yard was separated by a chain link fence from ours. Guess she didn't want to be associated with our back yard.

In the summer I would play out there with my friend Kenny. And our land lady Edna, would pull this big cage out of her house and in to her back yard, and hose down her monkey . . . WHAT?!?!? Why did she had a monkey? Actually it wasn't a monkey, it was an orangutan! Crazy! Why did she have a big monkey like that? Did It live in that small cage in her house too? Or did she just put the monkey in it when she was taking it outside to hose it off? I still can't believe a woman like Edna would have an orangutan . . . in the middle of Denver. Is that the weirdest things.

I hadn't really thought about this time in my life for a while and I haven't thought about Edna and her monkey in a long time. I have really known some strange people over the course of my life!

I'm so angry!!

I have had a friend for a very long time . . . since our Junior year in high school . . . I love him, but he is the stupidest most insufferable person on the planet. And I hate him right now. Ok I know that didn't really make sense, I love him but I hate him . . . I really do . . . I love NOT talking to him, and NOT seeing him because when I talk to him, he says stupid things, and opens his mouth and CRAP comes out.


So I'm not going to talk to him for a while, for a long while (potentially never again.) . . . I think that will be better for both of us.

Last night he called me, I hadn't been really talking to him because he has been doing really dumb things like taking back his wife after she was doing meth and having sex with other people . . . and trying to steal their kids. (As I type I am looking at my purse in this photo! That was a really cute purse, I wonder what happened to it?)

In my book those are unforgivable things, she tired to ruin him and the lives of her kids, she blackmailed him for money . . .and he tires to justify her actions . . . When all of this was going on, he would call me daily . . . sometimes several times a day and cry and talk . . . I was there for him, and then suddenly the calls stopped, his "wife" (I use the word loosely) was back . . . and he dropped me . . . Ok I know, I didn't think he should take her back, and made that known. But where is his self value? Where is the man who wouldn't have tolerated this? Where is the man who was clean and sober for years and then decided to drink because of her? (They went and bought a bottle together, how fun . . . an nice bonding experience~ UGH!!!!)

What gets me, is that he is trying to convince me he is right, and everyone else in the world is wrong. . . he is stupid! He didn't used to be so stupid . . . I don't know what happened to him.

Before I get to the real thing that had me up in arms last night, let me just mention, that since he started his job yesterday he said that he really needs the big kids home because his "Wife" has to be home with the little kids now that he is working. Ok?!? aren't those her kids? Didn't she choose to have them?? They got pregnant on purpose . . . that was their choice! Now she is upset that he is back at work after all this time, because now she has to take care of her babies. Ok, I have to say something, so if you don't like cussing, look away, she needs to get the fuck over it!! I guess she wants everyone in the house to be in the gutter with her . . . and her meth using ass! Grow the fuck up!

What we really ended up fighting about is ~ His step daughter Briana is a lovely young lady, bright, talented, smart and an over achiever . . . Most parents would be doing the happy dance to have a kid like her. She plays in several school bands and is on the student council, she wants to be the change she would like to see in the world. . . . She is a super neat young lady. I love spending time with her . . . she is someone you can actually talk to. Her school activities keep her from home a lot, but with a mother like she has, I would want to be away too. And for some reason, Roger and his "Wife" think that their big kids should have to take care of the little kids . . . ALL THE TIME! Like~ you can't go hang out with your friends because you have to take care of the little kids while I lay in bed and pretend to be sick so I can get pain meds and use drugs and sneak out the bedroom window to do bad things . . .

Since Briana is so active in school she isn't home much to do that . . . and when Roger's "Wife" went to rehab big drama happened and Briana left home (she had been witness to her mother's drug use before, and I think she just didn't have any tolerance for it any more.). Roger is trying to convince me that Briana shouldn't be so involved in school, that she should be home more . . . WHAT??!!?!? Why wouldn't he want her to get everything she can from school . . . and achieve all that she can . . .

Kids in the end of high school usually start distancing themselves from their parents, they all do it . . . so that when they leave for college or their next adventure it isn't so hard . . . having a mother who is a meth head and a step father who is an asshole probably makes it easier to distance your self . . . But with Briana it isn't like she is out doing anything bad, she is playing in the school band, and tutoring, and working with people in the school, and getting scholarships, and . . . So many wonderful things!

And my stupid friend wants her to stop doing those things! And my stupid friend wants to fight with me about this lovely young lady . . . saying he wants her to be home more, that she shouldn't be so involved in school. WHAT?!?! I would have been doing the happy dance if my kids wanted to be that involved in school!

I shouldn't have answered the phone when he called, but he had just had his first day of work in nearly 3 years and I was happy and wanted to hear about it . . . but he didn't really talk about his work . . . he got stuck on thinking that the big kids should be responsible for the little kids and have no life of their own. Those big kids didn't ask these stupid parents to run out and have twins so they could spend their growing up years taking care of those little kids . . . so the mother and father could do drugs (ok that's just the mother, well, kind of . . . UGH!) and run around like their pants are on fire . . . Those big kids didn't have those babies . . . They should be able to go play and have fun and experience life, not sit at home so that the stupid mother could pretend to be sick (for years) so she can get pain pills and drugs.

I don't understand the way he thinks . . . so he and I got in a big fight on the phone. I'm just not going to answer any more. I'm over it . . .

He needs to grow up and take responsibility for his life and if he wants to stay with his stupid "wife" then he needs to be responsible for her too . . . HE and his stupid wife need to take care of their kids and let their kids be kids . . . He should be jumping up and down that he has such a smart young lady who wants to make something of her self and will do it despite her family! Kudos to Briana!! She apparently is the only smart on in that house (Excluding the other kids) But then she isn't in the house any more . . . she moved out! I have to say, I'm proud of her for taking control of her life and not letting her stupid meth using mother and her stupid step father drag her down so that she doesn't achieve what she wants out of life.

I'm done. I'm not going to talk to him anymore. I love him, but I can NOT go where he is trying to take me . . . and I have the choice to step back and remember the lovely man I used to know, and have good memories, or I can let hatred build within me . . . I don't want the hatred, so I'm going to step back.

Just like I tell the young girls who come to me with boy issues, "you can love some one, but that doesn't mean you should be with them." I love Rog, but I just don't like the person he has become . . . and I don't like how he treats his kids at all. I'm angry . . . I cried, he made me cry . . and I'm angry that he made me cry. So with this blog, I'm over it . . . I'm tired of allowing it to hurt me and upset me . . . so I'm done.

I love him . . . and wish him nothing but happiness, how ever he may find it.

I miss my computer

I am sitting at Tim's desk, wrapped up in a blanket, typing on a keyboard that doesn't feel right, wondering why he has two monitors on his desk and how to get my words on the monitor in front of me instead of the one to my left . . .

I miss my little heater under my desk, that warms my tooties . . . I miss my pink walls and MY music . . .

I feel like a traveler in a strange country . . . nothing is familiar ...

I miss my word program with my stories in it, so I can play with my imaginary friends . . . and work to get my books done, because I BELIEVE that this year is the year I will be published. I want to work on my stories! I have them perk-o-lating in my head . . . now I need to get them on to the computer, but I don't want to do that on Tim's computer, I want to do it on mine . . .

Oh where oh where has my computer gone . . . oh where oh where can it be . . .

I feel like Bette Midler in Hocus Pocus, when her spell book is taken by the good guys and she can't find it . . . "Oh Boooo oooook!" she cries out the window . . .

I skulk around my house in the dark early morning hours and cry "Computer!!! Oh Computer!! Where are you my darling?? Come home to mama!"

Don't freak out!!

My computer crashed . . . with all my pictures and stories on it. (Deep breath) Tim is going to take it to his friend Joe, and hopefully my pictures and stories will be restored!

For now, Deep breath, I'm sure my stories are safe (I hope!!!!) and luckily I have all my pictures backed up . . .

Deep breath!

This year~ 2011

This year, i hope to . . . .

cry less, laugh more
learn to step outside the box
read books
be more grateful
say yes
be more adventerous
feel confident

BELIEVE
enjoy

Scrapbooking January 2011

So, here we are in 2011!!! Oh my goodness! I totally achieved my scrapbooking goals for 2011! my goal was to do at least 20 pages a month, and I did that, and most months did over that!~ Yippee for me!!!

One of my "ladies" at SBA, challenged us to do a page a day for January. And I jumped on that! She said that you didn't actually have to scrap a page a day, just as long as you end up with the right amount of pages for the month. Perfect! Since I'm not supposed to be up on my foot, and Tim had to work and people are annoying me, I figure I could sit with my foot up and scrap!

So here are some of the ones I've done.

I will post even the ones that don't really turn me on, just because some of my people like to see the old pictures from the past, and like the walk down memory lane!

Here is an old doozie!!! This is a party my mom threw for her friend Shirley, I helped her our with it, but I was 9 months pregnant!!! I look as big as a house!!!


Not a great layout, or wonderful pictures, but my boys look so cute, that I made 3 of this not great layout!

These next two are for my neice/daughter Rahni, I have been making her layouts so all she has to do is slap pictures on the pages. ( I wasn't planning on doing any for her as I just wanted to scrap my own stuff, but when I was cutting out the word play for my own layouts I figured they would be perfect for her too. So I made them for her) I figure when I'm cutting things like this with the cricut, that it is just as easy to cut several as it is to cut one.) And she appreciates it so much that she can still scrap even though she doesn't have too much time.

My thing right now, is I'm inking the edges of the pages . . . I think it looks pretty neat, My fairy scrap mother has sent me so many different things that I am really having to stretch my abilities and step out of the box and try some new things.

This next layout doesn't have great pictures . . . and there are so many colors in it that it's hard to make it work, so again it isn't one of my favorites . . . but it had my baba in it. She loved to go to Chucke Cheese, so I would load up the kids and take her. She loved to see all the colors and see all the kids . . . I think she even at a piece of pizza. (I miss her)

This is a super simple layout . . . but Avery was so cute when he was a baby! That I couldn't resist putting it in his book.

This is probably one of my favorites from my weekend of scrapbooking. I just love the way it turned out. The pictures aren't great, nothing worse than pictures before digital . . . icky pictures . . . but you gotta use what you have . . . so here they are. The pictures are just of Avery sitting in his high chair and playing, but I think the layout turned out great.

I am loving how in the scrap book mags they are doing a lot of layering of ribbons and scallops and things like that, but I think a lot of times they look too busy and take away from the pictures, (no matter how bad the pictures are.) so I used a simpler more toned down version of that concept.

Ok here are two of the same kinds of layouts, I will show you before the cricut cut, and after the cricut cuts . . . Its amazing how much different just a little "fun-ness" can change the look!

And the same thing for Alex's layouts.

Another simple layout that I made 3 of . . . nothing like some horrible pictures of a special event.

We had just brought Avery home from the hospital and the boys were getting to hold him for the first time. Rafael (former hubby #1) cut off my head in like almost all the pictures! UGH! His picture taking skills is just one of the many reasons he is my former hubby! LOL!

This is one of my favorite layouts from this weekend. I love Tony's super cute little face! and I love the colors and the patterns and just how it all turned out.

I made 2 of this layout, one for Alex, (That's the layout pictured) and one for Tony. I think it turned out really cute. Very Easter-y . . . with out the use of one bunny! I have a super cute bunny I designed and made, but they all have a lot of layouts with that bunny on them, so this is a break from bunny butts~

I made 2 of this layout, again~ horrible pictures but I was like huge pregnant and didn't want to wander out to where they were playing on the trains to take better pictures.

I love how this layout turned out, I made two of them, one for moms book and one for Avery's, Even with the use of ribbon and flower, I think it is still masculine . . .

Very simple layout . . . Alex just being Alex. I love the negative space . . .

Tony my naked child. When he was little I couldn't keep clothes on him . . . so a lot of the pictures I have of him as a little one are him naked! Here he and Alex are playing with the dog.

So that's it for now . . . I hope you enjoyed the walk down MY memory lane.

Merry Christmas ~ (eve) 2010

Merry Christmas everyone!!! Can you believe how fast this year has gone? It seems like we just celebrated Christmas 2009! And how it's Christmas 2010! What a fast year this has been!!!!

So we had our Christmas eve at the house last night. I love to cook and have people over, but with this foot thing it has been really hard to get everything done the way I want to. By the time I get moving, I'm already so tired I can hardly stand it . . . dragging this cast around is too much . . . (enough whining from me . . . at least for the moment . . . at least about my foot)

Here is a picture of my beautiful Mom! I love her so much! She is my hero . . . a stronger, wiser woman you will never meet!

As a small family group we opened presents before people came over, I gave the kids snowboard passes, and a few small things . . . but their big gift was ski passes! They were excited.

I got Tim tons of stuff! Movies and clothes, and a ship thing and some cars . . .

As for me, apparently I was a bad girl this year because I got nothing. (ok so I'm going to pout about it for a second . . . Its amazing how hurt feelings can get when you start handing out presents and there is nothing for you. Tim said he ordered me a Gypsy (it's for scrapbooking for those of you that don't scrap) but it didn't arrive. So there was nothing for me. My feelings were so hurt. (I guess I've said that, but it warrants saying again.) When you put a lot of effort in to making sure that everyone else will have a good Christmas, and you assume that the only person you don't have to shop for is your self, your heart hurts when you sit and watch . . . and watch and watch . . . ) Enough said on that, it's out of my system, and I'm moving on . . .

This past spring, Tim and I were at the "Brass Armadillo" it's a HUGE antique store, and they have all kinds of wonderful weirdness there.

We stumbled upon this toy Mountain Bell van . . . My dad retired from Mountain Bell after 30 years, so finding this was perfect! had to have it no matter what the cost!

He was shocked and said, "It looks just like my van!"

Look at his face as he is looking at it . . . (I love that he loved it!)

Tim and Pop sharing a "phone man" moment.Here is my sweet Jessie and Auntie! Aren't they beautiful!!!

Mom and Jessie!!! Stunning!

Alex and Auntie!! They are so silly together!

Again, my beautiful mom!

Alex and Jessie have been "dating" for the past few months, and things seem to be going very well for them. They seem so happy! I couldn't wish for anything better for them that LOVE!

The boys love to try to get auntie drunk on the holidays! Its their special fun! but she is on to them now, and doesn't take anything they offer any more. So now they got Jessie in on it and she is pouring drinks for Auntie!

I was sitting on the hearth of the fire place, and had the camera in my hand so I was snapping all kinds of pictures. Here are a couple pictures of Alex and Auntie hiding from the camera. So silly!

Grandma Tony and Grandpa . . . I don't know what the story was he was telling, but aren't they cute?!?

Mom and Richard! He looks so happy! Nothing like a glass of wine and some good friends and loved ones !!

Alex and Grandma, she was reading his "Got meds" shirt . . . we have a running joke in the house about "meds".

Jessie and Tony and Jade . . . We put all the dogs upstairs so they weren't around all the food, but Jade was being super bad, and wouldn't stop barking and whining. and then she escaped and sat with Tony at the table. UGH! No one listens to me, so even when I tell Tony, "Dogs don't belong at the table." It's like I'm talking to the wall . . . The child may get older, but somethings never change. He still doesn't listen!

3 of my most favorite people in the world!!! Mom, Auntie and my BFF Jaqui!!! I love them all so much. and you know what, Jaqui has the warmest most loving smile on the planet! She is so warm and kind, and giving with the joy of her smile!

Tony being silly and Auntie got caught in the cross fire!!

"Don't take a picture down my shirt!!" Jessie telling Alex when he had the camera!!!

Sweet picture of Alex and Jessie.

I gave Jaqui a picture frame with BFF's and kissy lips on it . . . now she and I just have to find a wonderful picture of us to put in it! (notice her beautiful smile!)

Random Tony-ness!~

Looks like our dog Jessie is in Jail! (Yes we have a human Jessie and a furry Jessie)

Jaqui opening her presents from me . . . Look how tired I look.

I got her some scented lotions and sparkly stuff . . . I'm sniffing her to see how she smells! She smelled wonderful!

Jaqui got my some wonderful smelling candles and my most favorite pear cognac! Yumm!!! I am going to sit and watch movies today and sip my pear cognac (as today is Christmas day, and I am going to do nothing and just relax and recoop!)

Jessie and Auntie in their matching Jammies. I bought all the girls matching jammies. Well kind of, I bought 3 of one kind and 3 of another kind, as I couldn't' get enough of one flavor.
Here we are minus Destiny . . . she had to go out of town . . . :( (I got Kennedy purple jammies too . . . it would have been so cute if they had been in our matching jammie picture too!! oh well, maybe next year!)

I think I have a picture of Alex at every holiday and every function of him standing at the sink . . . well here it is from Christmas 2010.

I had gone to bed at this point . . . and I guess they moved my formal dining table out and played beer pong on it, and notice my christmas tree in the background . . . Tony knocked it over and I got up this morning and there were ornaments all over the floor . . . UGH! He is a mess.

As a special gift, another of my extras showed up last night. (like I said I was already in bed~ but I came down and gave him a hug and told him to EAT EAT EAT! We have so much food!!!

Ooooops I just knocked down the Christmas tree!!! Mom is going to kill me!~

It was another . . .Christmas, with random weirdness and craziness at my house! I'm so glad we got to have this time together! I love these crazy, wonderful people.