Searching, still . . .

Yesterday was Sunday . . . and of course Jessie and I got dressed and went out in search of a church . . .

We went to Calvary Chapel. As far as I know, this is the church my friend Kendra and her family go to, but we did not see her there when we went. (I think, from what I remember her telling me is that she and her family have been going on Saturday nights instead of Sunday mornings)

When we walked in the door on the lower level of the church, we were amazed at how bright all the colors were . . . . and how friendly everyone was! So far we were really liking it . . . they had a little coffee shop on this level and everyone seemed to be pretty happy about being there. We liked that too.

Right away, we got a "Welcome packet" it had some cd's in it and a bunch of other information about the church. Jessie and I were going through it and this man walks up and introduces him self. His name was Ed. We just chit chatted for a couple minutes and he was super friendly.

When the band started we were excited because the music was nice . . . not like last weeks loud obnoxious music that we didn't know, and it seemed more like the singers were sing for "Their" glory, rather than the glory of God. (I still didn't know the songs, but they were a lot easier to sing a long with even though I didn't know them.)

There were lots of "simple prayers" (let me define what I am calling a simple prayer . . . it's more like they just start talking and all of a sudden they are praying, and you didn't even really know that it was a prayer . . . it just kind of happens) and lots of music at the beginning. And then Ed got up to speak . . . we didn't even know he was the pastor!!! He was just a nice man who was welcoming us to the church, everyone there was super welcoming!

What I liked about this church was that they did NOT pass the collection plate!! They had donation boxes all over, but no one was staring at you while you were NOT putting money in the kitty . . . I liked that a lot.

The other thing I really liked about this church was that Ed encouraged you to use your bible, he actually preached from the bible, we were reading Acts 15 . . . and he was taking what was said in the chapter and deciphering it for us . . . I actually remembered to bring my bible yesterday. I have the NIV bible, and they were using the NKJV (I think that's right ~ the new King James version) but they had bibles there for us to use if we didn't have our own. So I had both bibles open on my lap . . . comparing what they both said . . . some of the wording was different in both, but ultimately the meaning was the same, (I haven't done it with Acts 15 yet, but I ran in to a lot of problems when I was first thinking about churches, and reading a book my BFF Gennae gave me and looking up scriptures, all I had was my Jehovah's Witness bible and Tim's catholic bible, and I got all freaked out that nothing made sense, and that the wording would change the meaning of the scripture.) and Ed really made it easy to understand what was going on and how the words from way back then still apply in today's day . . . I liked that. I liked that I could read from the bible, it wasn't just some random dude up there talking about random stuff, I had biblical basis for what he was saying.

And another thing that happened at this church, is they did communion. I have never done communion before. Growing up Jehovah's witness, they teach that communion is only for the 144,000 that are going to heaven . . . and so when they do the passover, where they pass the bread and the wine, no one drinks it . . . they just pass it (Unless you are one of the 144,000 then you are supposed to eat the bread and drink the wine). So for me to actually get to partake was a big deal . . . I had to throw away all the things from my past, and start fresh in my head with what I'm trying to come to grips with now. (That's a lot of years of "Brainwashing" to get over . . . but I'm seeing more and more, that a lot of the things that I learned growing up, don't make a lot of sense now . . . that it's hard things to come to grips with.) After we had the communion and the songs and the prayers, I leaned over to Jessie and told her, "this was my very first communion ever!" and she was excited for me. I like that! She's so sweet!

Ed, said some where in his sermon, if you had questions~ you could come to him and he would give you a bible and together he would help you find the answers in the bible . . . Well, I'm on this Bible quest . . . I have my pretty pink NIV bible, and I have my Jehovah's Witness bible and I even have Tim's Catholic bible (Did you know that they have extra books in their bible? that kind of freaks me out . . . why do they get extra books, and who wrote those books???) and then yesterday, I stole a bible from the church we went to . . . Ed said at some point that he would give me (Not really me, but people in general) a bible if they had questions, and they had extras in stacks in the corner of the room . . . so I'm assuming that they were free for the taking . . . if not, I'm a bible thief! If we go back to this church, I'll bring that bible back with me . . . Its not like I'm not going to use it.

Jessie and I both really liked this church . . . but we are not done yet . . . we want to continue to look at more churches, maybe 3 more . . . and then we can make a decision . . . (And maybe I can steal some more bibles!) But this church is definitely a contender! This was the best of the three churches we have been to . . . the first was ok, the second sucked, and this one was really cool!

I'm really enjoying my church quest . . . I'm loving the fact that I have some sort of spiritual guidance to start my week off. I'm feeling a little more centered. I'm still mad at God for taking my Thomas . . . but I'm feeling a little better about it . . . Not much, don't get me wrong . . . I'm still mad, and hurt and angry . . . but . . . I'm not as mad, and hurt and angry . . .

Update- on Jade

She had surgery yesterday (Saturday) to fix the Tendon she cut . . . they were able to fix it and she went home with Tony last night. Apparently she is doing well.

Rather than the $1100 it would have been to fix her foot the night it happened, just 12 hours later it was only $410. In this economy that is a super great price difference!

I will take her to the Vet on Monday to have her foot rewrapped . . . and let them check her out. I think until her foot is all better, I will take her to work with me, because here at home with all the other dogs she likes to play and I don't think she should be playing right now, till she is more healed up.

WHAT A MESS!!!

I was at work yesterday morning, trying to get my stuff done so I could come home and cook my BFF Jaqui's birthday dinner, she wanted the Chicken Artichoke squares I make . . . (They are super yummy but time consuming) But I love to cook special things for special people so it was my pleasure to do them.

When I told her to pick what she wanted, I didn't know my day, and especially my afternoon was going to go to hell in a hand basket.

My flowers were late getting to the store so then I had to scramble to get them done before mom came in, (I didn't want to leave her a bunch of work to do~ I like to leave her with NOTHING to do, other than just her paper work and to mind the front when someone comes in)

Alex calls me just a little before noon,

"Mom there is Blood all over the house and Jade is limping."

"What?"

"There is a lot of blood!" (Alex is not a blood person, for someone as big as he is he gets squeemish around blood or needles. And you know what they say, "The bigger they are the harder they fall.") So I tell him to put a sock on her foot that is bleeding and keep her from running around. (As a family we are prone to exaggeration, so I didn't think it was as bad as what he was saying.) How bad, could it be? Right?

I still have to run to the store before I get home because I hadn't bought any of the stuff to make Jaqui's dinner, and she is coming over at 1. So I have 30 minutes to get to the store and get home before she gets here. I use the rotisserie chicken in my squares, so it has added flavor and is super yummy . . . and if they are still warm when you piece out the chicken then it helps to melt the sour cream and cream cheese. But I digress . . . This is NOT a cooking post.

So like a crazy red head , I Run through the store at super sonic speed. Get home, Alex wasn't lying, it looks like someone had been hacked up in my house!!!! Blood EVERYWHERE from the formal living room all through the formal dining room and kitchen, and all through the family room. YIKES! First I have to deal with Jade, I look to see if I can see what is wrong with her foot, can't tell, Call Tim. Tim is in Boulder . . . UGH! Call Tony, (It is his dog after all) he can't get out of work till 430 he will come then. UGH!!

I don't want to have a birthday celebration with all kinds of blood all over my house . . . so I get out the steam cleaner and try to get it cleaned up before Jaqui gets here.

In the mean time we double the sock on Jades foot she is bleeding through the socks and all over the dog bed. We went through 6 socks. I was really starting to worry because she was loosing so much blood.

I got really scared at this point because the blood was "pooling" under her foot.

In the mean time, Jaqui is sitting with Jade and I'm cooking. (Still trying to stay on track for our birthday celebration) This was one of my "wonder woman" moments, I can deal with everything, right? Best friends birthday, blood all over my house and my dog broken and bleeding . . . I can cope, I can deal . . . at least that's what I tell myself. In all reality I am not coping well . . . Smile and pretend . . . (I know that Jaqui knew I wasn't coping well . . . that how BFF's are.)

Tim and Tony finally get her and run out the door with Jade to take her to the vet. . . It's looking like she is going to have to have surgery, they think she cut a tendon. Since this was out of normal office hours they wanted $1100 to fix her up . So instead they gave us a bunch of meds and sent her back home. Tim and Tony will take her to the vet today and get her fixed up.

Here is our sweet Jade sleeping on the sofa with Tim, she is all bandaged up and drugged out . . . it was a stressful emotional night for her, and me!

Today is . . .

My BFF~ Jaqui's Birthday!!!! I love you and hope you have a wonderful day!!! See you friday for your birthday dinner!!!

Searching

Week two of searching for a church . . .
Who would have thought this would be so hard.

Jessie and I went to a Church called the Vineyard yesterday. You would think that any church named after grapes and potentially WINE would be a great thing!!! (Sounds like my kind of church!!!) But sadly we REALLY didn't like it.

They had a band, like the church from last week, but this band seemed to be less about singing praises than it was about singing their own thing and being more about their own glory than Gods. And, Not even Jessie, knew ANY of the songs they were singing. (At least last week, they sang Amazing Grace. I KNOW that song! and Jessie knew several of the songs) This band was loud and not very good, and obnoxious!

The minister was ok . . . no screaming this time . . . but he didn't really speak to me . . . I didn't leave Church thinking "oh man! I just love God! Isn't church great!" And pretty much the only thing note worthy from Church yesterday was that ~we need to let God be in control and have faith that God will take us where he wants to. (I already knew that, I fight it sometimes, but I did know it.)

At one point, Jessie taps me on the leg, and points to the ground at our feet, and there is a bug crawling there, like a beetle (Not a lady bug, but I didn't have a good picture of a bug) or roach or something . . . At that point, I KNEW we would never be going back there again.

The people weren't very friendly . . . no one greeted us, or even asked if we needed any help . . .

Church number one, is still in the contention for a second look, but church number two is totally out of the running.

Mom wants Jessie to go to the kingdom hall with my dad and aunty next week . . . I'm going to try to get her to put that off for a while, so that maybe we find our church first and then she can go with them and I can just go by myself to our new church, while we are "trying" churches out, I don't want to go by myself, I don't think it would be fair for me to like or dislike one without her. As for me, I will NOT be going to the Kingdom Hall with My dad and Aunty . . . I don't like the theology there. Its one of those "Been there~ Done that" kind of things for me.

I still can't believe it's this hard to find a church . . . never in my life would I have thought that it was so hard to find a spiritual home.

I love weddings! You know I do . . .

Well . . . let me clarify . . . I love weddings where they allow me to do MY job and help them to achieve a beautiful celebration of their love.

What I hate is when people tell me what to do . . . Humm . . . I hate it when brides and their families don't listen to me. I hate it when a MOB (Mother of the bride) or a MILOtheB (Mother in law of the Bride) will dictate what is supposed to happen in a wedding . . . Humm . . . Did they forget ~ THIS ISN'T YOUR WEDDING!!! This is the brides wedding!

Ok, so why am I whining????

I have been pouting and upset for a week now, because I have a wedding going on this weekend, (Today actually) that I have been stressing over and having a super hard time with.

If you have been around me, or have been one of my brides you know how interested in details I am about weddings . . . I ask you what your theme is, I ask you to create a list of buzz words that you can take from vendor to vendor with you, so you can keep everyone on the same page. I want to know, how tall you are, what kind of dress you have, what your brides maids are wearing . . . Everything! I love the wedding details.

What I don't love is when a MILOtheB comes in and TELLS ME . . . "We are having a cowboy wedding" and then proceeds to show me pictures she pulled off the Internet of everything she wants with a detailed description of exactly what everything should have in it. "Arch for Gazebo~ Should be made out of greenery and have 3 Black magic roses per side with Babies breath around them so that they will stand out. In the center it should have two horseshoes."

Deep breath . . . Deep Breath . . . I can get through this! HORSE SHOES?!?!?!?! Black Magic Roses are icky, the color looks like the edges of the roses have been burned and they DON'T have a nice shape. I try not to use these roses . . . Ever, because they are ugly!

They picked Betimier (I know the spelling is probably wrong~) Brides maids bouquets. Which means it's built in circles. So you have a circle in the center of roses, and then a circle around it of something else, in this case Mini Callas. This type of bouquet is HIDEOUS!!!! UGLY!!! LOOKS LIKE SOME ONE WITH TALENT MADE IT!!! This type of bouquet doesn't hold well, or look like it is put together properly . . . it should be outlawed . . . they are ugly and NO ONE should have ugly things at their wedding. (People are going to look at these bouquets and think "I" have NO talent! They are going to think I'm inept at my job because I made ugly things!!!!!!!! Oh I think I need an anxiety pill!!! Oh I'm just sick over these stinkin' flowers!

I tried to talk them out of it . . . I did, you know me. But this is what the MILOtheB picked . . . and apparently the only taste she has is in her mouth.

None of the flowers go with the Cowboy theme . . . NONE! I hate that.

The bridal gown is Cowboy'd and they are even having small bails of hay on the table! (UGH!) and then they have all of these ELEGANT flowers, Callas, Dendrobium orchids, Gardenias . . . Beautiful flowers . . . (Other than the brides maids bouquets) but they don't go with the THEME!! This whole wedding makes me sick . . . I just can't believe this MILOtheB picked all this ickiness and the bride didn't stop her. I tried and tried and tried to get them on track with keeping the theme . . . but they just kept telling me, "this is what we want." Ok . . . if that is what you want then . . . ok . . . that is what you will get, but I'm totally freaking out!!!

I hate everything about this wedding. I don't even want to take pictures of it . . . I have my big beautiful camera at the store, to photograph the wedding but I don't want to . . . It's all wrong. Its all icky. I hate it. I may take a picture of the bridal bouquet, (It turned out pretty~ even though it doesn't go with the theme) but I don't want a picture of it with the bride . . . because it doesn't fit the theme . . .

Well Its time for me to go get dressed for work and deliver this wedding . . . Wish me luck! As soon as I get something in my belly I will take an anxiety pill and muddle through this day!

Angry . . .

I went to church yesterday.

I have been wanting to go for a while now and since Jessie is living with me, she wanted to go to.

I have never "searched" for a church before, I didn't know it would be this hard.

When I was growing up, my family was Jehovah's Wittiness', and I stopped going years ago . . . I used to go to the memorial (Passover) every year, but stopped doing that too. I just really don't like the people who attend that church. To me they feel very Hypocritical . . . and I don't know if its ALL the kingdom halls (the Church) or just the one I went to . . . but that doesn't really matter, because the Theology doesn't ring true with me, they have a lot of hokie ideas as far as I'm concerned.

So yesterday, Jessie and I put on our "not holey" pants (That's what she told me to wear, when I asked her what we should wear) and we went to the church that I went to for the funeral of Michael Hulbert, the boy who was killed in the car shooting, the funeral I went to with my extras. (I posted about it last may)

It was super interesting, considering that the last time I went to church was when I was still married to Rafael. I liked that church, I went with my writing mentor Lee Karr. It was a good fit for me. But sadly, Rafael got custody of the church in our divorce, even though he had NEVER gone with me. (Plus it's on the totally opposite side of town, and I HATE to be in the car) so that church is out for me because I don't want to be in the car that long. So back to what I was saying, It was super interesting to go into a new church without knowing anyone. These people were super friendly and nice . . . They had a New member packet, and gave us a cookbook. I thought that was super sweet. All the people were friendly and smiling, and very welcoming. And people were dressed in everything from Dresses to short with white socks and sandals, and foot ball jersey's . . . that was odd to me too . . . but I guess it's doesn't really matter what you dress in as long as you show up, right???

There was a lot of music in this church, they have a band up on stage and they play rock and roll church music and sing, and the boy who is the lead singer has a wonderful voice and a lot of talent on the guitar . . . but he needs a hair cut!!! His hair was hanging in his face, and drove me crazy!!! I just wanted to grab my scissors and go up and trim his bangs so he could see!

But what was strange to me, is that the "pastor" got up and spoke wearing Jeans and a Hawaiian shirt . . . ok . . . weird . . . but that was fine I guess (Just not what I'm used to. The Jehovah's wittiness men still wear suits and ties, and the women wear skirts and dresses (The women/girls are not even wearing slacks, always dresses). And when I went to the other church, the pastor wore a suit, and people were a little more dressed up, not quite as casual as this church) . . . So back to yesterday, the paster talked (And yelled, he would be talking and all of a sudden he would be yelling about something, it was super weird, it wasn't even like he was yelling about something important, he was just yelling . . .. I didn't like that) about how Jesus loves us no matter what . . . that even though we are all sinners Jesus loves us. I liked that . . . but it also set me in to a head space where I thought to myself, GOOD GOLLY AM I ANGRY WITH GOD! And I am . . . I'm so angry with God for first of all letting Thomas have Leukemia, and secondly for taking him from me!

Part of me thinks it's irrational to be MAD at God, and part of me thinks well, it's all Gods fault. I miss my Thomas so much, I'm a good person, I should have to grieve like this . . . he was my boy. And then the other part of me thinks, well at least I have someone to blame . . . My head is a confusing place.

Jessie noticed in the program that they have a grief class on September 19th . . . and she offered to go with me to it. Part of me thinks I want to go, part of me doesn't want to go . . . I still can't talk of Thomas much without crying . . . and I don't want to go to that class and act like a blubbering idiot. I don't know. I have a week to decide if I want to go to it or not . . . I just don't know if I'm ready. I don't know.

Jessie and I don't know if that church is a good fit for us or not . . . next week we will try to go to a different one and see how that goes . . . We will keep looking till we find one that fits us. In the mean time, I need to figure out how to get over being angry with God . . . any suggestions???

32 years . . . .

I used to have a friend . . .

We met the first day of 6th grade . . . today Sept 6th would have been 32 years of our friend ship . . . that's a long time . . .

And it makes me sad to say, she and I are not friends anymore . . . But . . . it was my choice and my doing to end the friend ship . . . but I still remember her fondly on the anniversary of our friendship.

We were young brides and mothers together.

We spent a lot of time together just being silly . . . and doing silly things . . . We laughed together a lot . . .

We were there for each other . . . well . . . lets see . . . I think I was more there for her, but she would pop in for the fun things in my life. And when she was here, the fun things got funner . . .

We were there for the divorces of spouses and the finding of new loves . . . More new loves for her than for me . . .

It was just fun when we were together . . .

But as with all things that are "just fun" there are life issues that tear you apart . . . differences in personality and differences in moral out look . . . Those are the things that break up a friendship.

There are some things that are all right in one persons world and most of the time it's tolerated in the other persons. But when the differences spill over in to the other persons world . . . things crumble . . . friendships fail . . .

But every once in a while you take a look back and see the friend that used to be, and smile at the good times . . . because those are the things that really count . . . the good times and the memories of those good times. You don't need to forget what happened to end things, you just need to put those things aside and remember the love and the friendship you once had.

Christmas gifts

Jessie and I have been working on some Christmas gifts for Rahni (Jessie's sister, my other Niece/daughter)

Rahni is also a scrapper . . .but with two little ones, Gabe who is 2 and a half and a handful . . . he's ornery and I love that! And then Isabelle who is almost 3 months, Rahni just doesn't have time to do much scrapping.

so Jessie and I thought, that we would help her out by making some pages for her where all she will have to do is plop on a picture or two . . . So here are some of the pages we made for her.

We did 3 of each, because Rahni's husband type person has a son from another relationship, and we would never want Kyle to feel left out.

This Valentines layout has a pocket so they can put in some of their valentines cards.

This one is fairly simple but we figured with pictures on it, it will be perfect.

We left lots of room on this one so they could not only put pictures but what ever other ephemera they had from the birthday.

We didn't make one of these for Kyle, we didn't think that at 12 years old he wanted to have someone come in and take a picture of him taking a bath!

This layout is for Kyle in place of the bath one . . . he got to go with his Dad to Canada and he caught the biggest fish! I think this layout turned out wonderful!! I'm pretty proud of it!

We don't have the words on this one yet . . . it is to say "Precious Girl" for Isabelle's book.

And here is our latest Christmas page . . . I like the deer!

And for all the good Ghouls and Boys . . . A Halloween layout!

That's what we have at this point . . . I don't know if we are done yet or not . . . I think we could do a few more for her . . . but I think it's a good start and it will keep her from being too far behind . . . and we love playing with the cricut! So that is a lot of fun for us.

Estes park and the wedding

Ok, so let me tell you a story . . . I seem to always have a story to tell . . .

I have been a wedding planner and florist for 25 years now . . .

And as my kids and Extras are getting older I'm really enjoying getting to do some of their weddings! There is such an emotional connection for me, when I'm doing flowers for someone I actually know and love.

I knew Justin and Savanah were getting married a while ago, Alex was going to be in the wedding, and I was going to get to do the flowers. I was super excited!

Justin called me one day about 3 weeks ago and said "Mama, they guy who is preforming our wedding just quit on us! Do you know someone who could do it?" I didn't even have to think on that one, I said "In the state of Colorado anyone could do it. . . just ask someone who speaks well to do it for you." So he says, "Will you." "Well . . . uh . . . ok." So that began my journey to preforming my first wedding.

I wrote a wonderful service! And Practiced and Practiced . . . Did the flowers and then drove by myself in the truck two and a half hours to get to the wedding place. (Tim and Jessie went earlier in the day to set up the trailer and enjoy the mountains!) Once I got there we drove up trail ridge road . . . well . . . first I took an anxiety pill and then we drove up trail ridge road! Beautiful and scary!

We took about 500 pictures this weekend (no, that's not an exaggeration) so this is just a small sampling. (I have got to get a bunch more edited so that Jessie and I can get them printed and scrapbooked!)

Speaking of jessie, here is a super cute picture of me and my girl!

And another, just because we are so cute!!!Oh and speaking of cuteness . . . here are me and my boy!!! How handsome he is!!!
There are a couple of pictures of Me and Tim too, but I haven't got those edited yet!

Here are the guys getting ready to go down the isle. I went down first and then Justin and all his fellas! So handsome!

Here I am waiting for the guys and getting ready to preform my very first wedding. I was a little nervous. . . . I was prepared for Justin to get emotional . . . but when Savanah started crying I nearly lost it.

I really enjoyed doing the wedding!!! Goodness it was super exciting!

Everyone said I did a really good job preforming the wedding, I am happy I didn't screw it up!!!

Such a sweet kiss!

Look at how he holds his arm for her to hold . . . so sweet.

So after a million pictures . . . We were on to the reception! Fun fun!

Here is Alex getting ready to do his toast . . . he has an evil gleam in his eye . . . I guess that is because he talked about Justin "shitting his pants in his truck" How embarrassing!

Justin got emotional when his mom got up and spoke.

Ok so here are my two most favorite pictures from the whole wedding!!!! Alex and Justin Kissing!!!

So I guess I should explain the kissing . . . Every time someone would tink on their glass Justin and Savanah had to kiss . . . She got tired of kissing, so Alex and Justin did! Now that's a best friend!!!!!!

Love this shot of Savanah smooshing cake in Justin's face!!! She got it right up his nose!!!

And a pretty picture of Justin's hat and her bouquet!

It was a beautiful wedding!!! and I'm super glad I got to be such a part of it!!!